Home Again
by FallAngel
Summary: He had been running away his whole life, now it was time for him to return home...
1. Decisions and Questions

**Home Again**

**Started: 2009-03-26**

Chapter One: Decisions and Questions 2009-03-26 – 2009-03-27

"Dad, please I really want to do this" Isabella Mayer said with determination in her voice. She had to do this no matter what he said, it was too important to her.

"But why Oakdale of all places when they are other places we can go to?" Noah Mayer asked frustrated while looking at his daughter.

He couldn't tell her the real reason why he didn't want to go to Oakdale, because he was still running away from his past, still after all this years and he was not sure if he was ready to face the it.. Not yet anyway.

"Because they have an amazing farm there and it is exactly what I am looking for to do this summer, that why"

Noah sighted loudly; sometimes he wondered where she got this stubbornness from…

"We talked about this Isabella" He had tried for weeks to convince her of other opportunities; maybe they could go to Scotland or someplace else. But no, she had decided for Oakdale and yet again they stood here arguing about it.

"Yes we did dad, and I decided that this how I want to spend my last summer, doing what I love most in this world" Said Bella and looked up in to her father's eyes, knowing that her words word hurt him.

She could see pain, sorrow but there was still a little hope in his eyes, a hope she knew only would make it harder for him to deal with the fact that she would be gone soon.

"Stop talking like that honey. There still a chance that thing will change. There still options for you, the doctors said…" But Isabella interrupted her dad.

"Stop it!" She said loud almost screaming at him, knowing that none of this was Noah's fault but he had to let her make her own choice, despite the consequences.

"I know what the doctors said but face it dad. But I know… No feel that I can't fight this anymore and if this is going to be my last summer I want to make the most of it. And the only way I can do that is in Oakdale, at that farm." Bella couldn't stop the tears that now were running down her face; she hated to have this conversation with her dad, because it always ended up with her crying.

Noah took a step towards his daughter and pulled her tightly to his chest, he embrace her hard like his and hers life depended on it and in some way it did.

_´´Please __god, if you really exist, don't take her away from me. She is my life, my soul and heart now. The only person that I have left that truly loves me._

_But the only thing I can do for her right now is to make her happy, and if it means going to __Oakdale again, so be it. Maybe it is time, maybe I have to do this to move on… To forget and leave it behind me.´´_

They just stood their, hugging, seeking comfort and to save another moments with each other. "All right sweetie, I guess we are going to Oakdale this summer, just the two of us"

Bella looked up at her dad and smiled. "I love you dad" Noah smiled back "Love you too kid"

**[3**** week later]**

"Isabella, I need you to lie still"

Bella sight heavy but tried to lie still, she knew the routine but somehow she never could get use to the X-ray, it frightened her more each time, and it only had bad news to tell her, every single time.

"Okay Isabella, we are done for today. But I still want you to come back on more time before the summer start. " Dr Mallard said.

"You got it doc." Bella answer before getting dressed again and soon she and her dad where yet again on their way from the hospital, with the weight of the test resultants on their shoulders.

"How about Italian today, it's been a while since we had that"

"Sounds good honey, I think there is an Italian restaurant around the corner. Come on, let's go" Noah answered.

Soon they had both ordered and sat down, deep down in their thought.

"Isabella" Bella looked up at her dad and smiled. "What is it dad?" Noah hesitated a little bit; he didn't know how to ask the question without making her upset. "I was just wondering isn't there another reason why you want to go to Oakdale of all places..."

He could see Bella's face and it was full of question. _Maybe she doesn't remember… She was so little at that time, so vulnerable…_

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down a little bit, this was another of those conversations he hated to have with his daughter, but like everything else this was necessary to.

"Your mother" he almost whispered it out, to afraid to see the reaction those two words would have. Bella only stared at him. "My mother? What do you mean?

"Your mother is buried at the Oakdale cemetery" Noah said quietly , looking down at his plate, no avoid eye contact, the memory's was still hunting him every night, that night when she left him with Isabella in his arm to walked the shadows of death.

Bella didn't respond at first, they never talked about her mum; it was a subject that never really had existed until now.

"She is?" her words was only a whisper to, she was afraid just like her dad. This couldn't even measure up to the sex talk he had with when she had turned sixteen last year, and that had been really bad but he had tried his best to talked to her even if her dad was gay…

Noah only nodded. He wished that he had never asked, but he knew his daughter and she had a way to take things in to her own hands.

Obviously the whole situation maid her stressed, which according to the doctors was really bad for her.

"I am so sorry, Isabella"

"What?" Bella looked up from her plate, even more confused the before "Dad, why are you apologizing to me?"

"I…" But Noah was unable to respons; he really didn't know why he had done it.

"Dad, is that the reason why you don't want to go to Oakdale? Is it too hard for you to return back home?"

Noah was taken back by the words that left her mouth. How did she now that is was hard that Not because of her mother, but of a man…  
Oakdale had been his only real home, no matter how much he had moved around, and for some reason she had figured it out, by herself.

He knew that right now he couldn't lie to his daughter this time, or even avoid the question not until she got an answer from him today, right now she would see straight through him.

"Your right about one thing, yes it is hard for me to return home but not for the reason you think"

"Is it about a guy?" She asked curiously and suddenly started to grin toward her dad.

For the second time that evening Noah was surprised by how much his daughter could read about the whole situation.

Noah only nodded and soon he found himself blushing, something he hadn't done in years.

"So what's the story about you and this guy? He must still mean something since only the thought of him makes you blush" Bella teased which only made her dad blush even more; he almost had the same colure as a tomato.

"Come on dad!" Bella said with a laugh and playfully punched his shoulder.

And for the third time that evening Noah was yet again amazed by Bella, he hadn't see her this happy for a long time, he hadn't heard her laughter for almost six weeks and here she was, smiling towards him.

_Thanks to the man that I ones loved with my heart and soul.´´_

Could he really tell her about Him, and what they had shared before everything had broken apart, which only left him with a broken heart.

But Noah knew had to stop feeling sorry for what had happen between them, and if it hadn't happen he never would have Bella in his life, the only decision he never had regretted.

Noah took a deep breath and looked deep in Bella's eyes before he answered.

"The short story is that he was the love of my life. But somehow I messed, or I think we both messes it up somehow, and it all ended that I move here to California."

"But if he was the love of your life, how come you have him up dad? You once said that if you have something worth fighting for, you keep on fighting no matter how hard it gets. Because something's are worth getting you heart broken for!"

Had he really said that? It didn't sound like him, but then again he had change a lot the past years.

"I really said that?"

Bella laughed at her dads face, he looked so confused, like a lost lamb how is starting to realise where his mum is.. "Yes you did dad, yes you did."

Noah looked at his watch. "It is getting late, too late for you to be up at this hour" he said as he paid the waitress.

It didn't take long for them to get their stuff and after five minutes they were back at the house.

"Dad, I am going to check my e-mail then I am going straight to bed, okay?" Bella asked as soon that they got throw the front door. "All right, but then straight to bed!"

It didn't take Bella long to find what she was looking for. Slowly she clicked at the folder that said; Summer plans and found the E – mail she had been waiting for, the decision which would decide were she would spend this summer.

_´´ Dear Isabella!_

_We are very happy__ to inform you that we have accepted you request and are happy that you are staying here this summer! My family and I hope that you will enjoy you visited here and take with you a lot of happy memories. _

_The horse you will be riding is a beautiful mare named Misty Moonlight, and I think that she will be perfect for you!_

_I need your dad's phone number and fax number too._

_Talk to you soon_

_/ Holden Snyder ´´_


	2. Not Running

Chapter Two: Not running 2009-03-28 

"Dad" Bella shouted, her voice echoed throw the house, but when no replay had come, she started to walk from room to room, searching if her dad had left her a note but for some reason he never placed it at the same spot, so she always had to try to find i. After a couple of minutes she found in his bedroom, on the desk.

_Bells, work came up again, so I had to run away for a moment. Hopefully I won't be too late home, but if that happens there is some food in the fridge for you!_

_Love, Dad_

Bella sighted, of course it was work again, and she really wasn't surprised by the note from her dad. Since she had shown her dad the e-mail that she had received from Holden Snyder, he had been acting real strange, more distant somehow, and he had been working more than usual.

She knew that her dad loved his work more than anything; he had his dream job, being a director. It was one thing loving his job and another thing what he was doing right now, it didn't seem like fun, more like an obsession or somehow trying to get distracted, but she couldn't figure out why, only that it had something to do with this Holden Snyder..

Suddenly it strike her why and she started to pace around the room.

_O, my god... Don't tell me Holden Snyder is someone my dad know... I know that Oakdale is a pretty small city and the chance of run it to someone you now are pretty big... _

_Holden... I wonder if that is the guy my dad mentions, or maybe he is just a friend...He defiantly means something or my dad wouldn't act the why does right now, but the question is in what happen to him in Oakdale..._

All of a sudden her legs gave way and she stumble towards the floor but somehow she manage to grab hold of the end of the bed, but that didn't keep her from falling anyway.

_I hate being this week sometimes, never having complete control over my own body, never to know when to except a fall. _

After that she didn't really know what happed or what she did, but soon she founded herself on the bed instead, and slowly she let the sleep take over.

- 11:55 –

Bella slowly woke up, but she could feel something lying on the left side of the bed, because it was touching her at the back of her head so she turned around to see what it was.

She lifted the cover and pillow to find a photograph and a black/red striped sweater.

_What that hell is this?_

She picked up the photograph and examined it more closely. It was a picture of her dad but a much younger version of him and he had his arms wrapped around a blond, brown eyed, short man wearing the black/red striped sweater, both of them was smiling.

She flipped the photo over to see if there was written anything on the backside and she was correct; in the left corner at the bottom were a little mark; N_oah Mayer and Luke Snyder, 2007, Snyder Pond. _

_Luke Snyder, hue? So I was right, this Holden Snyder was somehow related to the guy my dad had talked about. But now there was one question left, what had happened to slit them up… _

_2007, my dad could only have been around seventeen in this picture and I have to admit that he looks handsome but Luke he is striking beautiful, no wonder my dad liked him._

_If he still has the photo left, it MUST mean SOMETHING!_

She looked at the clock again; 00:30 and her dad still wasn't home.

_I hope noting has happened…_

As on queue she could hear the door opening and soon the footsteps of her dad filled the quiet house.

_We are going to deal with this today, no more running away dad. _

Slowly she started too walked down the stairs with the photo behind her back carefully so she wouldn't fall again.

"Dad" Bella whispered out.

"Isabella! What are you doing up this late?" Noah asked but there were no anger in his voice.

"I only woke up about a minute ago"

She took a step towards her dad not really sure how she would confront him about the photo or his actions this week.

She looked at him, he looked so tired but that wouldn't stop her tonight, she had to do this. So she took the photo that she had hidden behind her back and looked him straight in his eyes..."Who is this dad?"

"No one" he answer quickly, to quickly

Bella shocked her head in pure frustration. "Running away are we dad?"

_Not running…. Not running…_

"Damn it Bella!" Noah yelled out of the blue and turned away from his daughter.

How the hell did she found that photo…? O yeah right, I looked it last night after we had returned from the restaurant, I only wanted to look at it, to see if he was a beautiful as I remember... He was, he still is…  
It had been so long since I mention Luke, too long I think. Although I never stopped thinking about him, not even for a second, but he ripped my heart opened, he cracked it in to tiny pieces and just left it there, bleeding.

_I wished I could have stopped thinking about him, but no, still now, 18 years later, he is still in my thought, in my mind. Why can he leave me alone?_

_Not running… Not running…_

It seemed that Bella hadn't responded to her dad sudden outburst but only waited patiently for him to calm down a little bit before she ones again asked the question. "Who is he dad? Don't try to tell me that he is no one because clearly he is or else you wouldn't act like this, not toward me anyway."

"I didn't mean to yell at you honey, and for that I am sorry but when it comes to the guy at the photo, well that doesn't really concern you" Noah answered in a cold and distant voice.

_Not running… Not running…_

Bella snapped back at her dad. "You are so wrong about that dad, because when something is wrong with my family, it does bother me, it affects me to probably more then you know! So just tell me what is going on with, what happened between you and Luke!"

Noah was about to protest or say something else but the last senescent that had slipped throw his daughters lips got his attention hard.

"How did you know that his name is Luke?" He managed to cough out.

Bella, how at this point was beyond irritated at her dad rolled her eyes. "It is written on the back of the photo dad"

"Oh...right…"

Bella shifted her position, so that she now was standing beside her dad instead of in front of him. "Do I need to repeat myself a third time dad?" Bella said, her voice teasing him a bit.

Noah bitted his bottom lip and glance at his daughter before he answered. "You really want to know, don't you?"

Bella only nodded back and smiled to encourage him a bit.

_Not running… Not running…_


	3. Memories

Chapter 3: Memories 2009-03-29 – 2009-03-31

Noah pulled Bella to the sofa and sat down, he tried not to look at her so instead he looked at his hands.

"God, I really don't know where to start" Noah mumbled

"How about from the beginning, that's usually a good place to start from…"

Noah smiled when the memory came back to him; it had been so long since he had thought of Luke like that, to see pass all the pain and trying to see the good things that they had shared together.

"Well, we meet when I was doing this summer internship at WOAK, Oakdale's news station. It was a change for me to escape my father so I took it.  
Anyway, I was late that day, which pissed of Luke incredibly, or that's what it seemed like."

Bella looked at her dad with amusement in her green eyes."You were late dad? That's something I really wished that I would have been able to see!"

"Ha-ha, really funny sweetheart! At first I didn't have feeling for Luke, hell I didn't even know that I was really gay before meeting him.  
He was the one how made me realize how I truly am, and when I was with him, I never had to hide myself. Like I had to do with Maddie at first, she was my shield from myself before Luke helped me, but in the end she and I remained great friends which I will always be more then grateful for."

"You never mentioned her at all, why? You said you were great friends, what happened?"

Noah looked at her daughter for a moment, should he really tell her this?

_We are supposed to be honest tonight, so Mayer get a grip!_

"She died sixteen years ago after a fight with her ex-boyfriend Casey. The police think it was suicide. I was the one, who found her, but I came too late, the doctors weren't able to save her, but she left a note for me and something else." Said Noah and looked down at his hands, it was almost like he could still see the blood on his fingers. Even if it hadn't been his fault, but every time he thought about what had happened, he wished he could have done something to prevent it from happening.

"What was it she left behind?" Bella whisper, but somehow it felt like she already knew what he was going to say.

"You" Noah answer with a shaking voice. He didn't dare to look at his daughter; he knew that he should have told her sooner, that he shouldn't have kept it to himself.

"Was that why Luke and you broke up, because of me?"

Noah laughed bitterly and looked deep in to his daughters eyes; he could see the confusion there but also guilt.

"Oh Honey, I almost wished that it was the reason but we had already broken up a long time before that"

"So what happened to mess everything up?"

"We had problems long before Maddie even got pregnant with you, but when she did, that was when I really understood that Luke and I were finished, once and for all…

First there was my dad, then Ameera The election, Kevin, Brian, Reg and Damian, the list goes on forever but somehow we always seemed to get through it together, it seemed to only make us stronger, but then.. Then came Casey and after that I was done with it..."

He glanced at Bella who waited painterly for him to continue.

"Well, it seemed that Casey turned out to be Gay to, and for some reason he decided that it was Luke that he wanted, no matter what the price was, so to do that he had to get me out of the picture.

I know that he and Luke had pretended to be a couple but this was different, it was like Casey was possessed by the thought of Luke, and the worst part is that Luke never saw it.

He claimed that Casey was only joking around, and of course Casey went along with that idée, until one day when I found them in bed together" Noah paused for a moment to think a little.

"And then you left him right? Bella said and looked at her dad who looked away. "O my god, do not tell me you stayed with him after that??!!"

"I did, I knew that it was stupid but I loved Luke with my heart and soul at that point, he was my first love, my true love, so I wanted to give him another chance. I thought that it was a mistake finding them together but after a while I got proof that told me otherwise. I once again found them in bed together so I told Luke that he had to make a choice, me or Casey"

"He chose Casey didn't he?

Noah nodded. "He did, so I decided to left town, but then something happened that made me stay for a little longer "

"What did?"

"Maddie got pregnant with you and she was my best friend, she had no one on her side, so I stayed. Of course that didn't make Luke or Casey happy, the both thought that I had gone back in the closet again"

"I am sorry dad, I know that you loved Luke but he sounds like a jerk" Bella said in an angry voice.

She had thought that this was a decent guy but then had turned out to be someone else, she had never been a violent girl but right now she wanted to find this Luke as literally kick his ass.

"It's okay sweetheart, I now that by know…" Noah answered in a sad voice. "I know that how things ended was a mistake, but Luke helped me in so many ways and I have him to thanks for who I am today. I wouldn't have had it any different, what we had was special, but that was what it was."

"But I can see why you did tough" Bella said after a while and pointed at the photo. "He has beautiful eyes just like you dad"

"Yes he does" Noah said with a smile.

"Dad, do you know who my biological father is?" Bella asked seriously.

"No I don't Bella, but I have a pretty good guess who it might be. Why, do you want to try to find him?

Bella shook "No, I was just curios, and why would I want to have found a new dad, when the world's greatest dad is right in front of me?"

"You really think that I am the best dad in the world?" Noah asked a little surprised but at the same time relieved.

"That I do dad that I do." Bella said with a smile before getting up from the couch. "Dad, can you promise me something?"

"What is it Bells?" He asked, turning to his daughter.

"Please stop running away from you past."

Noah nodded; he knew that she was right.

_The past is my future. If my past hadn't happened as it did, I wouldn't had Isabella in my life… No matter what has happened in my past, I wouldn't change it for the world._

"O, one more thing dad." She walked to the table where they had the family photos and placed the photo if her dad and Luke on the table, right in the middle. "No more hiding, okay?"

"Sweet dreams Isabella" He said and pulled her in for a hug.

"You to dad"

She was right, he would have very sweet dreams that night, he would be dreaming about a very special blond, brown eyed guy, with one of the wonderful smiles in the whole world.

That was the very first night he dreamed of Luke, the one of many more that would come. He might convince his mind and body that it was over, but in his dreams they were defiantly not…


	4. The Storm Is Changing

Chapter 4 – the storm is coming 

Noah Mayer starred in to the mirror, he couldn't figure out why on earth he was being so nervous about this, it was only a meeting.

All right, a meeting with one of most successful company in movie industry, and this was what he had worked for the past year; this was his chance to have his dream come true.

But he was a little afraid what it meant if he said yes, it meant that he had to spend less time with his daughter, and if he said yes it also meant that he had to work this summer which was the last thing he really wanted, but once again it was the opportunity of a lifetime, as his daughter kindly reminded him.

"Come on dad, relax! Everything will be fine, you can do this. As far as can tell you are one of the best directors here is in California! You will do fine, and this is a …."

"Chance of a lifetime, I know honey, you already told me that like ten times today or was it twenty? " Noah interrupted and looked in the mirror again. He had to admit that he didn't look that bad.

"I don't know, I stopped counting at fifteen but the point still stand dad" Bella said. She wanted him to stop being nervous, if she could do that the rest would go smooth and well. She of anyone knew how good her dad was at doing hi job, but when it came to his confidence, well she always had to step in and give him a little push.

_Damn tie, why do I always wear ties when I know that I can't tie them myself_?

"Dad, let me do that" Bella said while looking at her dad who was really frustrated at this point "You are going to strangle yourself if you keep doing what"

"You know how to do this?" Noah asked a little surprised, even after all this years he still didn't know how how to tie a tie and this time he didn't have Luke around to help him.

_To bad… I think I would have enjoyed a little help from Luke. God, Mayer, stop thinking like this, right know_…

Noah mentally slapped himself for thinking like that, he knew that it was one thing dreaming about Luke, that he couldn't control, but daydreaming…

"No, dad I don't" Bella answered in a sarcastic voice and took a step towards her dad. "Give me the tie"

Noah looked at her for a moment before he slowly gave her his tie.

_This is ridiculous! My own daughter knows how to do this and I don't!_

It didn't took Bella to long to fix the tie and she had do admit that her dad didn't look that bad, since it had been awhile he got all dressed up and fancy.

The both looked in the mirror, not saying a word only embracing the moment.

"I guess that I will be of then" Noah said quietly, not wanting to break the moment between them. "My cell will be on all time, so what ever it is, do not hesitate to give me a call, got it?"

"Got it dad" Bella said, only waiting for him to go out through the door but something kept holding him back.

"There is food…"

"… In the fridge, strawberry for dessert, and you even rented three movies for me to watch. There is popcorn at the top shell, and if something would happen and I can't reach you, Mrs. Campbell is right next door. Before you say something else, yes I have packed and checked all my things twice that I need when we go to Oakdale so everything is taken care of" Bella said, putting her hands on her back and looking at her dad, hoping that he got the hint to get going.

Noah tried to say something more but once again he found himself getting interrupted by Bella. "Now will you please go, I will be perfectly fine dad" When the last word had slipped out she gave her dad a little push through the hall and out in the night.

Noah laughed at his daughter but he knew that he had to get going if he wanted to be there on time and if there was something Noah Mayer never did, it was being late.

Half of the meeting had already past by and Noah didn't think that he could get more bored then he already was. This meeting was a waste of time, three people hadn't even arrived or they were only running late as someone has claimed.

_I wonder how long you can run late when it has already been going for about two hours. Where the hell do these people live, Antarctic?_

Suddenly someone walking towards them caught Noah's eyes, the person seemed so familiar, to familiar and he was right.

_No... No. . . . This is a dream, a nightmare or something. Why does it have to be him of all people…? Haven't I suffered enough as it is? Does God have a problem with me and decided to get back, and is now cooperating with the devil? _

Because right in front of him stood the familiar Luke Snyder beautiful as always, with a smile on his angelic face. Noah tried to read Luke's face as he sated down but it didn't show any emotions at all, it looked to empty to be Luke.

"Good that you could make you presents Mr. Snyder" one of the men said. "Then we can begin this meeting and stop wasting any more time than we already have."

The tension in the room suddenly got very high, and at that moment Noah really wished that he had never agreed to this meeting.

_Please get me the hell out of here!_

It looked like his prays would be answered when his cell phone rang quietly but high enough for Noah to hear it.

"Noah Mayer"

"Noah, this is Dr Mallard, we need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible"

Noah froze for a moment; if it was Dr Mallard it could only mean one thing, Bella. Something must have happened to Bella.  
The image of Maddie that had happen years ago appeared in his head which helped him come back to reality.

"I am on my way!" He said and ended the call.

He turned to the men who all sat around the table, all looking at him right know. Noah took a deep breath and said. "I am so sorry but I have to go, someone very important to me needs me right know, and I once again I am sorry but I have to go!"

The man who had spoken to Luke turned to Noah. "If you go Mr. Mayer the deal is off and you will not get a second chance, no matter the situation."

"I do not want this deal anyway and this job is not as important as a human life" Noah answered back. He had to get to the hospital now, do hell with being polite, there was simply no time and frankly he had enough off this people who had threaten him with no respect at all.

"Mr. Mayer!" the man shouted and got up from his chair.

Noah smiled and looked at the man. "Mr. Jones!" he yelled back before rushing out from the restaurant into the car, and started to drive towards the hospital.

Noah probably broke more then five laws on his way to the hospital but he didn't care, something had happen.

He ran throw the familiar doors and it didn't take him long to find Dr Mallard.

"What happed? Noah breathed hard.

"We don't know, but it seems that Bella has had a little strike back, but she will probably be fine in a couple of hours" Dr Mallard answered with a calm voice.

"Can I see her?"

"Of course, this way" Dr. Mallard said and started to walk towards Bella's room

Noah hesitated a bit but soon walked in through the door. Bella was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, she was breathing hard, almost as if it were painful for her to breathe.

"Isabella" Noah whispers and took another step towards her. Soon he sat on the chair and held her hands in his. "Honey, why do you have to scare your old man like that? One day you are going to give me a heart attack if you keep up with this."

Noah could feel how the tears were staring to fall down his face, he wasn't the man who normally cried but after the break up with Luke, he had learned the meaning of tears.

"Come on Bella, you need to wake up"

He stroked some hair from her face, but then kept stroking her hair, just stroking, and no words were spoken anymore.

Noah had lost the time, he didn't knew if it had been ten minutes or ten hours but it felt longer, more like an eternity.

Then it happened, Bella finally open her eyes…

"What happened dad? Wh- Why I'm I lying in a hospital bed?"

"I don't know Bells. Dr. Mallard said that you had some kind of strike back…"

"But we are still going to Oakdale, right?" Bella asked in a small voice.

"I don't know if that is such a good idea" As he said those words he could see how the little hope or maybe it was happiness, faded away.

"Dad, you promised!" Bella said with tears on her face… "You promised!"

"I know, I did, but I don't think it is a good idea…"

"It is not you decision"

"If you would to the surgery" Noah tried, he had to…

"NO!" Bella yelled. She was tired of people who tough that they knew what were best for her, when in fact they did not. The only thing she wanted was this summer, and knows she wouldn't even have that. "I told you dad, I am not doing the surgery! There is only a 25% chance that I will survive!"

"25% is good enough!

"Not for me!"

"Wait a minute dad, what is this about…? What happened at the meeting?" Bella asked after a while. She damned herself a little for not noticing it before but there was something wrong with her dad, or at least his motions. He knew well that she wouldn't to the surgery and yet he stood there asking her about it again.

"Why would anything have happened?"

"Because you are acting very, very stranger, not like you"

"Luke was there, all right. There, I said it…"

He started to walk around the room, with his hands in his pockets, looking very pissed off.

"Luke, as in Luke the guy you used to love with your heart, your true love, the one and only Luke, as in Luke Snyder?" Bella asked

"Yes" He said in a low voice, he knew that soon he would break down and stopped pacing.

"Come here dad" Bella said and move so that her dad could get a place on the bed.

Noah somehow made it to the bed in one piece and sat down, not wanting to look at her. He was so ashamed, here they had been talking about not hiding anymore and yet again he did. Not only that, he let his daughter take the hit and if it was something Noah feared in his life, it was being a bad father, and right know he was. Not as bad as the coronel but it felt like he wasn't close being.

"I still love you dad, but once again I am going to say this to you. You need to move on or you are going to let this destroy you, and don't every try to say that you have it under control because you don't. What happened a minute ago was proof of that, and believe me I really wished that I could help you but I can't. This is something you need to do by yourself or it is going to destroy this family."

Noah nodded in agreement. He knew that Bella was right, but he had always been so good at hiding his feeling about Luke, to tuck them away where no one could find them, and if he tried, he would get lost on the way.

"But what if I get lost?"

"Then I will be here to get you back on track dad" Bella said and took both of her dads hands. "But, please, face him, sort things out that need to be out sorted or we will not make it through this summer, at least I will not"

"I am really glad that you said that, because the tickets are non-refundable" Noah said with a smile and hugged Bella tightly.

What they didn't see was Luke standing outside the room, watching them, with a sad smile on his face…


	5. Homa again, sort of

Chapter 5- Home again, sort of…

_Don't freak out… Don't freak out. Breath and you will be fine…_

"Dad, you are freaking out"

"No I am not…" Noah answered in a tiny voice, he wished he could sink through the floor or somewhere else but there was no escaping this, his lovely daughter had made sure of that, by giving him an ultimatum..

"Bella, please tell me again why I am doing this" Noah asked, opening his eyes and turned to face his daughter, who only sat there with a smile on her pale face and a book was lying in her lap.

"You are doing this because you love me and want me to have the best summer that I can possibly have. Your are also doing this so that your past can stop hunting you down, and finish this once and for all"

Noah nodded in agreement. "Good, I kind of had hoped that all of this was a nightmare and I would soon wake up but as you said, no more running…"

They didn't spoke anymore one, to nervous by the fact that they were going to Oakdale with no way to turn back and both of them knew what none of this was going to be an easy fight.

Especially for Noah who had so much baggage in Oakdale, he knew that he had hurt many people in several ways, and now it was time to face them all. The true was that Noah was scared to death, not sure if he was going to get through this.

Soon they pasted a sign that said: _Welcome to Oakdale!_

"Dad, could you please pull over?"

Noah looked at Bella and slowly stopped the car. "What's wrong honey?

"I think we need to make some things clear before we face the family…"

"Like what?

Bella looked at her dad and hesitated for a moment. "Do- does anyone from the Snyder family know about me..?"

"What do you mean?

"I mean do they know that Maddie Coleman was my mother?"

"I am not sure acutely… They know that she was pregnant but I don't think that they know what happened to the child." Noah answered quietly.

He knew that this wouldn't be easy for Bella either. They had talked a lot about the Snyder, her mom to try to sort things out.

He didn't dare to think what could happened if the Snyder clan somehow found out, what that meant for Bella since Henry still lived in town, yet there was only one person who knew about Bella..

"There is one person who knows that you exist and know that you live with me" He said after a while.

Bella gazed at her dad for a moment. "Who?"

"Luke's Grandmother Lucinda Walsh, if it weren't for here I wouldn't be able to raise you, I wouldn't be able to take care of you. Which reminds be that before we go anywhere we are going to see her firs, I own her at least that much"

Bella nodded and slowly walked back to the car. She was scared to, but for different reason, which she was not going to tell her dad about, not yet anyway.

_Let's deal whit his past first then we can start do even think about me. _

Noah knocked four times, hard and at the same time trying to calm his nerves. He could hear footsteps coming closer to the door.

_  
__Please let it be Lucinda!_

Bella stood a little behind her dad, trying to hide. When the door opened a old woman came in view.

"Noa- Noah Mayer?" Lucinda whisper, her eye was big and shocked. "Is that really you?

Noah only nodded, he was afraid that his voice wouldn't hold if he tried to speak. The only thing he could do was looking at Lucinda, the only person in whole Oakdale who hadn't given up on him, no matter what.

In that moment all the feelings that were hiding in his broken hear start to come up to the surface, and very soon he found himself with his arms around Lucinda, hugging her tightly, but it felt like Lucinda was hugging him back, twice as hard.

"Come in my dear boy" She said with a big smile, and it wasn't until know she noticed Bella who stood there with a soft smile and only waited.

"O my, so this is her?" Lucinda asked and looked at Noah for an answer.

"Yes this is my Isabella" he said softly, there was a bit for pride in his voice.

"But I prefer to be called Bella" Bella answered and blushed a little bit when the old woman examined her from top to toe "Well, Bella why don't you and your dad come inside, we have a lot to discuss"

Noah walked through the door with Bella right after, and after a while all three of them were sitting in the living room.

_I have missed this place so much. This was home for me once, and it sill feels like home, sort of…_

"Lucinda, I only wanted to thank you for all the help that you have given me. Without it I don't think I would have been able to take care of here, and with her …. Situation, lets just say you are one of the reasons that she is still alive and happy" Noah said and broke the silent.

He had Lucinda to thank for, she had bought him a house, and she had given him money the first year so that he was able to stay home with Bella. She had taken care of the hospital bills in the beginning when he was not able to pay them all or when is insures didn't cover it.

"There is nothing to thank for Darling, you are a part of this family, or at least I consider that you are, and we take care of the people we love... You know that will do anything in my power to help you and about Bella's situation; I have been there myself so I know."

Noah could feel how tears were beginning to come; he didn't want to cry know, even if it was of happiness.

He received an evil look from Bella which clearly said: _What that hell? She knows?? How many people have you told?_

"I also wanted to ask you something else. Is there a possibly that we can borrow the cottage when we are here? I know that Holden offered us to or my daughter to live there but I feel that a need place to escape to were there are no Snyder's… "

He glanced to Bella who nodded in agreement. She felt the same, it was going to be fun to be at the farm but at the end of the day she wanted to go a place were she felt save.

"I think that we can arrange that somehow" Lucinda answered and smiled. "I guess you need to get going?"

"Yes we do" Noah said and started to head towards the door with Bella. He was about to opened it when someone did first.

Right in front of him stood Luke, both of them didn't say a word, they didn't move, only looking at each other and as if thinks couldn't get worse, he heard another familiar voice.

"Come on Luke, get a move on" Casey said.


	6. No rager or Anger

___Chapter 6 – No rage or anger_

_"Silence… Absolute silence… Time had stopped for a moment; nothing existed, no air, no particles, nothing, not even them for they was lost in the moment in memories, together… It had been so long, to long and deep inside Noah still loved Luke, he just couldn't admit it yet, but the feeling was there, it had come back… But far too soon it broke, as soon as Casey stepped through the door, it broken, into thousands of pieces… and he was not getting it back… "___

Noah looked into Luke's eyes; he saw how once again the mask that hides Luke's feeling just like he had at the meeting, not letting Noah see. He then glanced over at Casey who looked like he was about to kill him right there and now…

Noah didn't feel the rage and anger that he had thought that he would, instead he was calm and steady. He felt ready, no hate existed in his body, it felt like noting could touch him or hurt him anymore, he was invincible again Casey, a fight he knew he could win.

"WHAT THAT HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Casey yelled started to walk towards Noah, his eyes was dark and full off rage.

Noah reacted on instinct and repositioned himself so that Casey wouldn't come near Bella even if he knew that Casey would likely true to knock him down and not Bella, he wouldn't take that change.

"As far as I am concerned Casey, this is a free country and I am allowed to be here if I wish!" Noah replayed, grinding his teeth in anger; he wished that Casey could grow up, like he had done a long time ago but no…

"This is not your house Mayer!"

"No it is my house" Lucinda said and took stepped forward, towards Casey with an angry look. "Stop this nonsense right now or I will throw you out myself Casey Hughes!"

Noah tried to hide a smirk, he didn't expect that coming, but is seemed that no matter the age, Lucinda Walsh still had it in her.  
His smirk faded away quickly when he notices something on both Luke's and Casey's hands, a golden ring.

Casey seemed to have seen Noah discovery because he took Luke's hand to his lips and kissed it slightly. "Beautiful isn't it, worth a fortune this rings"

"Congratulation" Noah said with no emotions in his voice what so ever, but he wasn't able to stop staring at it.

"Who is that?" Casey asked, looking directly at Bella.

"That is none of you business Casey" Noah said back, trying to sound normal, but deep inside he was screaming. He didn't want Casey to know that Bella was Maddie's daughter, because if he knew he would somehow make sure that Bella was taken away from him.

That was how Casey got Luke before, by making it seem like Noah wasn't interested in Luke, he had even tried to make it look like Noah was cheating on Luke, anything to make Luke go to Casey instead of Noah… In the end he succeeds, he got Luke and Noah was left alone, but then Bella came.

Bella, his angel, life, soul and heart, the person that had never failed him and somehow seemed to love him no matter what, she could make the most impossible thinks seem so easy. She was everything he needed right know and the last thing he wanted was for Casey to see how much Bella meant to him, because then Casey wouldn't stop, not until everything was destroyed.

"Can we go, please?" Bella said in a tiny and small voice, she didn't like the man standing in front of her dad; he scared her with his yelling. Noah had called him Casey, and she knew what that meant, his past was catching up with him, way too fast.

Plus this whole situation made her feel uncomfortable; she wanted to run fast, as fast as she could…from the situation…

All four pair of eyes was looking at her now, not what she had planned exactly.

Noah took a step toward his daughter and whispered in her ear. "Bells, go to out to the car, I will be right behind you, but if I am not, do not come back unless it's been five minutes, okay?"

Bella looked at her dad with horror mixed with concern but she nodded anyway and started to walk towards the door.

_He won't hurt my dad… He won't… My dad knows how to take care of himself, he will be fine. No need to worry about it…_

She glanced at Casey when she passed him, something she shouldn't have done, because seconds later she could feel how he had gripped her arm hard. which something Casey really shouldn't have done.

Bella blinked for a moment, no was that really, yes it was, she could smell alcohol on him, he was drunk…

After that thing happened really fast, Noah who reacted fast grabbed Casey and dragged him of Bella, she walked out the door as fast as she could, trying to seem calm with her arm tightly into her body, protecting it, trying to hide the pain from her dad.

Noah snapped at Casey "Give me one good reason not to beat the living thing out of you right know!" He said as he walked towards Casey, slowly like a lion ready to attack his pray, only waiting for the signal for the attack.

"Dude, calm down!" Casey said raising his hands to defend himself from Noah who was extremely close to him, he knew that when Noah was in this sate the was no way of stoping him.

"That was my daughter that you tried to hurt moron, so do not tell me to calm down" But it seemed that Noah had calmed down a bit, but then he pulled Casey by the collar, so that they were standing face to face…

"If I see you near her again, I do not care what it is about, I do not care if the freaking world is about to explode, or even if I am left dying on some field, I will beat you up so hard that you won't be able to stand for weeks, you got that? Come near Isabella and you are going to regret that disunion. She is not Luke; you already got him, but unlike the other time I am going to do what is necessary to keep her safe."

Casey could only nod; he was too afraid to reply back.

"Good" Noah said and released him. "Lucinda I will call you later about the cottage" He said before turning towards the door. "Have a nice day"

Then Noah was gone, trying to calm down, he did not want his daughter to see him like this, with all this anger, almost like his dad…

He was almost at the door when he heard footsteps behind him. "Casey I swear to god…"

He turned around but it wasn't Casey who stood there, it was Luke.

He saw how Luke flinched at the sound of Noah's voice with had been a little loud.

"Is that the Isabella that is going to stay at the farm?" He asked quietly.

"Yes it is, and I would appreciate if you could keep Casey away from there, when she is there."

Luke nodded.

"Good, then you can go back to you husband…" and with that he walked to the car, got in and drove away until Luke was out of range.

_Two sentences… This is going to be a very long summer… _


	7. What happened to you?

___Chapter 7 – What happened to you?_

_"Husband… Of everything that I thought could have happened after these years, all expectations, I really did not see that one coming…___

_But why Luke, why Casey? Why couldn't you find a guy who was good for you, who deserved you, but Casey, I mean it's like throwing yourself of a cliff, which you already had. I could see it in your eyes, how dead they were, the Luke I once knew don't exist anymore, the strong independent Luke is gone, lost somewhere, where no one can find you, or even touch you…___

_What happened to you? I saw your face, I saw you for a moment, but it was soon over… What happened, that in the end you lost yourself? I wanted to hug you; I wanted to comfort you... You looked like a lost puppy, so alone and sad… ___

_I wish I could tell you how much you still mean to me, maybe not as a lover or boyfriend, not even as a soul mate but maybe as a friend at least, but I want to be so much more, I could feel it when I saw you...___

_What happened to you Luke, what went wrong after I left…?"___

Noah sat in the car with his eyes closed. He just wanted to run away and hide, wishing that he never came here, but at the same time he wanted to fight for Luke…

He wanted to make Luke smile again; he wanted to see life in those brown hazel eyes, the warm that used to exist…

Bella sat right next to him, not saying anything, only giving in her dad some time to pull himself together…  
She had seen his face afterwards, when he had just let every emotion go, not hiding it, and for the first time she wanted to kill Casey, not Luke.

When her dad had told her about Luke, she thought that it was Luke's fault, but now she had started to change her opinion…

What had really happened that night when her dad and Luke had broken up, and what had the night she was born, she could tell that her dad did not tell the whole truth to her, he had left something out, but what?

Noah sighed heavily before starting the car, driving towards the Snyder farm.

"Dad, are you sure that you are okay? We can go back or something"

"No." Noah said with determination in his voice. "We have come this far and we are not turning back now because it got a little tough , no more running, I am through with it… How about you? You want to turn back?"

"No… I don't want to… You are right dad…"

They stepped out of the car and started to walk towards the porch, this meeting was going to be a little easier, not rage or anger in it…

Once again Noah knocked at the door, taking in a deep breath to calm down a bit. He wasn't sure if Holden was going to hug him or kick him out, but there was only one way to found out.

Another familiar face appeared in front of him, Natalie.

"Noah!" she screamed in excitement and rush to hug him, he almost was knocked down by the force of the hug but as soon as he recovered he hugged her back.

"Look at you Nat! All grown up"

"Look at you Noah! You have gotten old!" Nat said and laugh

"Oi! I am only 37, I am not that old!!"

Once again Bella found herself standing in the background, just watching how all this people welcomed her dad, seeing their face go from shocked, to surprised and finally to happiness and joy, hugging and laughing.

"So what brings you in to town?" Nat asked.

"Oh… Sorry I am Natalie Snyder" she said when she saw the girl standing behind Noah.

"Bella" Bella answered.

"Wait, Bella, as in Isabella, the girl who is staying at the farm this summer, and is going to ride Misty?"

"Yes that's me…" Bella said, looking down at her feet.

"And you are Noah's daughter?

"Yes"

"Wow, that's quite surprise. Why don't you two come inside and say hi to the rest of the family."

So they did, saying hi, seeing the surprised faces of the Snyder, when they saw Bella or Noah.

_I did not think that I was going to get this warm welcome from the Snyder Clan… The way I left, I didn't think __  
__that any of them wanted to have anything to do with me… They seemed to support Casey and Luke…___

_But this… This is so different, I wonder why… Is it because of Bella, or me? I have grown up since the last time, maybe they can see that now, and maybe they can see the result in Bella somehow?_

"I guess you are not staying here, at the farm Noah?" Holden asked

"No I am not; I think that it is for the best… I asked Lucinda if I could borrow the cottage and she said she would take care of it."

Holden turned to Bella.

"How about you Bella, do you want to stay here of with you dad?

"I don't want to be rude or anything, but Luke and his husband is going to be here a lot so I prefer to stay with my dad…"

Holden looked at Noah, then at Bella with a confused look.

"We had a little incident at Lucinda's house, noting to worry about really…" Noah answered, but avoiding Holden's gaze.

"Bella, we should get going" Noah said quickly, trying to avoid the subject.

"You got to stay for dinner, Emma had been cooking all day, and you can't miss that."

"I guess we are staying for dinner then" Noah said and started to smile, this was an offer he could not refuse and Holden knew that.

If it was something he had missed since he had moved away from the farm it was Emma's home cooked meals… Nothing, absolutely nothing could be compared to Emma's cooking.

Very soon more family members of the Snyder's started to drop in, and Noah started to get a little worried…

What if Casey and Luke come?

Right in that moment Luke came walking though the door and Noah found himself holding his breath, only waiting for Casey to come…

_1 second… 5 seconds… 10 seconds… 30 seconds… No Casey_

He heard Holden at distant asking Luke about Casey. "Something came up at work and he had to go"

Noah smiled a bit, and then walked up to Luke from behind. He whisper _thank you _in Luke's ear before continue walking as if nothing had happened.

But even if Casey weren't there, he could not relax, not for a moments. He was to a wear of Luke's presents, he knew that Luke kept glancing at him, he did the same thing but he did not relax.

His whole body was on red alarm, he had found himself walking close to Luke, brushing his hand against Luke's hand, only for a second…

"Luke, can you go and get some more wine from the basement?" Holden asked.

Luke nodded and got up from his chair, this was the moment Noah had been waiting for, to get a change to talk to Luke, alone..

"I'll give you a hand" Noah said and stared to walk after him before Luke had any chance to protest.

Both walked in silent to the basement, but kept glancing at each other, unable to stop and Noah knew that he was the one who had to break the silent or they weren't going be able to be in the same room this summer.

"I think we need to talk Luke"

"There is nothing to talked about"

"I feel that there is"

None of them didn't have the chance to say another word, when the door to the basement started to close.

"Damn it!" Luke yelled at the closed door.

"What? Can't you just open it? Noah asked a little confused by Luke's sudden outburst.

"No, Noah I can't just open the door… The lock on this door is broken and it can only be open from the outside." Luke said in a frustrated voice.

"What, are you saying we are looked in?" Noah stared at him in shock…

"Yes that is what I am saying."

_Locked in…_


	8. I did't know how

Chapter 8 – I didn't know how

_Two lives, a moment, fullness, bliss, love… That was us that were what we had Luke a long time ago, and maybe is still exist, somewhere deep down in our heart, we just need to find it.._

_What did I do wrong, what did I mess up?_

_Right know we are standing here, facing each other, and I know that this time the rolls are changed, this time I am the one who has to take the first step, I am what you was once were Luke, and you are what I was…._

_We change, but have we changed too much….?_

Noah stood there, waiting for Luke to answer his question, it was not a easy one, but he had to know, he needed an answer to this one, so that he once and for all could move on, away from Luke.

"Why Luke, why Casey of all people, what made you go to him, to love him instead of going to me, what did I do wrong Luke?"

That was the only questions he needed to have an answer to, how Luke and Casey got married or why he didn't need to know. The only thing he was interested in was why Luke broke his heart, what went wrong…

Noah had tried to move on, really tried, but every time he tried something stopped him, something pulled him back to find a guy who wanted him… It was those questions, the guilt…

"You didn't do anything wrong Noah" Luke whispered.

He was afraid to tell Noah, it would only break his heart more and probably bring him even more questions, questions Luke didn't have any interesting in answering.

He wanted to tell, but if he did, he knew what Noah would to…

"Then can you tell me what the hell happened? Because I can't seem to figure it out, no matter how hard I try!" Noah said and he started to walk back and forth in the tiny basement, somehow it always seemed to calm him down.

"You were there, you saw what happened. I slept with Casey, end of story" Luke said with a cold and distant voice.

Noah sighed loud. Why did Luke do that, why did he always had to bring up Casey? It was the same thing all the time as soon as Noah wanted to know…

Luke clearly wanted to avoid this, but they needed to do this, Luke owed him that much.

"I was there, yes, but Luke I can't read your thoughts, no matter how hard I try, and believe me I have tried" Noah said in a calm and soft voice as he took a step towards Luke.

He was not going to make Luke win this fight by using Casey; it might have worked before, when they broke up.  
At that time, only hearing the name Casey made him angry, but unlike others, he had grown up.

Thanks to Bella, he had learned how to use his emotions in the right why, without pushing people out.

"After everything that had happened that year, I just couldn't coupe whit everything, so I went to Casey…" Luke said looking down at his feet

"I know, but I wished that you could have talked to me that you had come to me, we were both trying to deal with everything, and I know that you stared to drink again. I tried desperately for you to open up to me too talked to me but you didn't... Instead you went straight to Casey, and the only thing that I could do was watch, as he took you in his arms."

Luke look at Noah, trying to read those blues eyes that he used to know by heart and it hurt him to know that Noah was more aware of the situation than he had thought, right know he damned himself for being so stupid…

"I was so much further out then you thought Noah, and I was drowning… I didn't know how or why I didn't call out to you, I just ….. Did not know…. how ... to… do it... to make you listen and see… without hurting you …." Luke said trying to hold back the tears, but it was hard.

He hadn't cried in a long time, not even when they broke up, he had kept all his feeling to himself, deep down, locked away in his heart, not letting anyone see them, it was for the best.

Noah was by Luke's side in a heartbeat, wrapping his arms around him, hard and it didn't take Luke long to try to response, he snuggle in and put his head on Noah cheat.  
Noah leaned in, and only hugging him more.

Trying to hug away all sadness, all pain that was is in their hearts, trying to find something that was true and they have both found it, right here in this hug that was so true and tender, it was gentle, so full of love and comfort.  
It is what they both needed , no more word, to more talking, only this, this hug…

_I don't want to pull away, it feels so good to have Luke in my arms again, it feels like before, before the worlds turned out to be a very cold place…_

They just stood there, not moving…

_I don't want to pull away, it feels so good to have Noah here again, almost like before, before I messed everything up, and I would to anything to take it back…_

Suddenly the door to the basement opens, and there stands Bella, looking very pale.

Noah and Luke pull away from each other, breaking the moment.

"Dad" She whispers, but it is loud enough for Noah to be able to here is daughter.

He takes two long steps and in no time he has here Bella his arms, he can see that she is sweating, her forehead is warm and she looks to pale, and too pale, for a moments Noah's heart stops.

He is not aware that Luke is watching them with a concerned look on his face.

"Bella, do you want me to go to the hospital or home?" Noah whispers, he really don't know what to do, he hasn't really seen her this bad, and not like this, not this fast.

"Hospital" Bella managed to say, but only in a weak voice, almost impossible for Noah to hear.

Noah nodes and take her in his arms, carefully he started so walk, with Luke right next to him, not saying anything but his eyes does. He takes one step at the time, taking it easy; he can see that she is in pain, but not saying anything about is, only trying to be as gentle as possible.  
When he reaches the living room he picks up his phone and starts too talked to someone. Luke can hear him, he is talking fast, and glancing at Bella then and then, but somehow remains calm. He sees how Noah ends the call and the goes to Bella, sitting there, talking in a low voice, trying to calm her down, soothing her…

No one in the living room is speaking; all of them are starting at the scene that it taking place in front of them…Noah knows what they are all thinking but he doesn't care, the only thing that matters right now is Bella…

_Where is that damn ambulance???_

Finally he hears the familiar sound of it, and rushed out to meet them, with Bella in his is well aware that the Snyder family is following him outside, but he doesn't care about that either, the questions had to wait for later. He took one last look at them; he let his eyes take an extra look at Luke before jumping in the ambulance…They have all had a look of worry in their eyes, but Luke's somehow made him feel calmer, it was like they knew what he needed to hear, that everything was going to be all right…

_I_


	9. Dying inside

Chapter 9 – dying inside

_Three days, it has been three days and it feels like I am dying inside, like something is eating me alive…._

Noah starred straight forward, he didn't know how long he had sat there, if he had slept at all or eating. Not that any that mattered to him right know, the only thing that did was his daughter lying in bed, unconscious…

Of course the Snyder's had tried to support him, but he did not want them there, only Lucinda… It was for the best, these people hadn't been around him for almost 17 years, they could not expect him to open up his heart to them again, not right know, not when all he wanted was to turn it off, to drown…

It almost broke Luke's heart to see Noah the way he had been these couple of days, and he wished noting more that he could take away Noah's pain.  
Deep inside Luke was a worry for Bella, even if he hadn't really met her, but somehow he feel for her and Noah. Maybe it was because she meant so much for Noah, that Luke carried but it might be more then that, at least he hoped so…

Luke's thoughts kept wandering back to when they had been in the basement, they had said too much to each other, and yet so little.  
It had felt good to have Noah in his arms again; it had felt so right, and almost but only almost like nothing had changed between them, but in Noah's eyes was the proof, They were filled whit pain, sorrow and he looked so tired…

He knew that Noah didn't want any of them there, except from his grandma, he understood why, but that didn't stop him from seeing Noah every day, just to see that he hadn't collapsed or anything…

There he was, Noah sitting in the same position as Luke had left him in, looking distant.

"Noah" Luke said softly, trying to get some kind respond, to break in from his thoughts that were hunting him down.

He could see Noah move a little, but that was it, not reaction at all. Luke sighed a little but tried again, this time he touched Noah's shoulder… Still nothing, nada…

_I could try one thing tough…. Something that used to work before…_

Luke heisted for a bit, but this was for Noah's best, at least that was what he tried to convince himself off.

Slowly, he leaned forward towards Noah, brushing his lips against Noah's, enough to cause the electricity that used to be between them…

First he thought that Noah wouldn't respond, but all of a sudden he felt how he as pulled closer to Noah.

They just sat there, not saying a word, not doing anything… Luke was sitting in Noah's lap, with Noah hugging him tightly…

Finally Noah spoke ´"Thank you Luke" and he meant it with all his heart…

He was so use to being alone and deal whit all of this alone with Bella being sick, but it had never been this worse, and he didn't had a chance to appreciate help when it came, he never had anyone whit him, so he didn't know how to deal with it when people came.

"Noah, come on, get up! We need to make sure that you get some sleep, food and a shower before you collapse" Luke said.

"No, I am not going anywhere, I am not leaving my daughters side, not know, not ever." Noah said and shook his head.

Luke saw the determination in Noah's eyes. "Do you really think Isabella want to see you like this, destructive? Don't you think that when she wakes up, she want to see a healthy Noah, instead of this?

Noah looked up at Luke, who had his arms crossed to his chest, looking even more determined then Noah.

"I can't leave her, what if she wakes up and I am not there? What if something happened while I am gone? "

"Noah, she had been stabile for 24 hours, the doctors think that she will wake up, but nothing will happen to her, she is in good hand here.  
If it makes you feel better I can call someone from the family to watch over her while we take care of you, okay?"

"Okay, but call Lucinda, she is the only one who know about Bella's sickness, and I want to keep it that way…"

Luke nodded and after ten minutes of more convincing he managed to get Noah out of the hospital and back to the cottage.

Both Noah's and Bella's bags were standing on the floor, unpacked and when Noah saw it, tears started to come down his face, and no matter how hard he tried they wouldn't stop running down.

"I can't lose Bella…" he whispered more to himself then Luke.

"You won't lose here, I promise" Luke said and once again he found himself wrap his arms around Noah, hugging him, and soothing him. They soon fell asleep on the couch, exhausted to the end but still holding etch other…

Noah slowly woke up, he could feel Luke's body pressed again him, but he did not open his eye, only snuggling closer to Luke, pretending to sleep, to save the feeling and the moment, to pretend that everything was okay…

Unfortunately it didn't last that long, they were interrupted by Noah's phone.

"Noah" He said in a sleepy voice, not ready to wake up yet.

"Thank god that I was able to reach you Darling" Lucinda said "You need to come to the hospital as soon as possible, something terribly wrong has happened"

Noah sat straight up, as if someone has pulled him out of his dream, and now he was no longer in a sleepy state, more of a battle state, preparing himself for the worst.

It didn't take them long to get back to the hospital, but what Noah saw there, made him angrier than ever. Right in front of him stood Casey, talking to Bella's doctor.

"What is he doing here?" Noah said, clenching his fist, looking at Casey with hate in his eyes.

Casey smiled and took a step towards Noah.

"You want to read this" he said and gave Noah a piece of paper.

Noah took the paper and began to read it through, word after word; he wanted to kill Casey even more.

_What the hell? Why would he do this, why now?_

"No..No…NO" Yelled Noah loud and suddenly griped Casey. "You can't do this, it is not right! YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 17 YEARS, AND KNOW YOU DO THIS!? YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME, NOT WHITOUT GOING TO COURT FIRST!

"Yes I can, and I did, now could you be so kind to leave, I don't want you near my daughter" Casey said calm.

It was the break point of no return for Noah, he completely lost in and he started to hit Casey whit all he had while screaming "She is not your daughter"

Noah had no idea for how long he had hit Casey but someone, a security guard maybe, he wasn't sure, pulled him away.

"Get him out of this hospital, I don't want to see him here ever again" Casey said in a dark voice.

The guard started to pull him towards the door, and Noah kept fighting, screaming at Casey, telling him that he wouldn't do this, not without going to court first, that Bella was not his daughter.

Noah didn't know for how long he sat on the ground, or maybe he was lying down, he wasn't sure anymore, and he didn't care either.

The most important person had been taking away from him, and he found himself wanting no more with this life to do.

The tears kept coming, the rain started to come to, but he didn't care… Nothing matter anymore… He didn't even notice when Holden lifted him up from the ground and pulled him towards the car. He didn't notice the concern looks that were surrounding him; he didn't hear the voices…

He did not notice, for right this moment, was the moment when he, Noah Mayer died inside….


	10. Fight for you

**Chapter 10 - Fight for you**

_Blank, completely blank… I feel numbed like the world somehow has stopped, and that there is no point in living anymore.__I can hear voices around me all the time, but they are all distant, not breaking through the surface, only like a radio but I can't find the right channel to hear them, and I don't want to.__How long have I been lying like this…? I don't even know where I am not, neither do I care, the only thing I know is that I am not where I should be, by my daughters side, everything is so wrong…__Why would Casey do this…? He got Luke; he took him, why did he have to take Bella away from me..? Is it one more of his sick games that he is playing with me, to prow that he is better one of us two that he can take what he wants when he wants to?__I wished I had never come here… there is so much I wish and hope a lot of this would never have happened, I want to turn back time and change it, but I can't…_

Holden had tried to get some kind of respond out of Noah, but it was impossible…  
Noah refused to ate, sleep, anything, and that started to scare all of them, if Noah didn't eat something soon they had drive him to the hospital…

Noah was lying in on the couch, not moving only starring into the air, not really wanting anything to do with this world…

He had tried to get back in to the hospital, but was kick out, again and again, he could still feel the burses he had on his body, they were aching, but that pain was nothing compare what his heart felt like right now, not even close. ..

He felt someone touch is shoulder, shaking him and he turned around to see how it was…

Of course it was Luke, who else would it be?

Noah knew that none of this was his fault, but Luke could have stopped him, he could have done something, Casey was his husband for heaven sake!

"Noah"

Noah sat up a little and glared at Luke with an angry look on his face.

"What do you want? Don't you think that you have done enough damned as it is? He said moving away from Luke.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay" Luke whispered in a sad voice.

"Okay? DO YOU THINK I LOOK OKAY TO YOU? The most important person in the world has been taken away from me, and all of this is you husbands fault! "Noah said angry and got up from the couch.

"Did you know that he was going to do this? Noah asked at looking straight at Luke.

"No"

"HOW THE TELL DID HE MANGED TO DO THIS THEN? IT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY TO DO THIS WHIT OUT GOING TO COURT FIRST! Money which Casey do not have, which YOU have"

That was the last thing Noah manage to say before everything went black and he fell down in to darkness….  
Noah welcomed the darkness when it came, he let it surround that him, fill him up, but it didn't last long…

He blinked a little bit, and was not surprise to find that he was lying in a hospital bed. He knew that sooner or later he would have ended up here…

_Wait a minute, I am a hospital, I am in THE hospital… _

Suddenly Noah's brain started to work very fast.. Maybe it could work… he had to try at least, know that he was so close to her.

Noah looked around; he didn't see anyone so he slowly made his way out off his room, walking towards Bella's.

He took a look around, no Casey, or guard, or doctor: the hall was empty so he sneaked in, and there she was, there was Isabella Angelina Mayer, his daughter, no matter what the DNA test said but that wasn't the biggest relief of all.

She was awake, reading a book…

"O Bella…" He said and rushed to hug her, feeling a huge rock falling of his chest.

_She is fine, she is awake… Thank god... she is fine…_

"Dad, where the hell have you been??" She said and tears were running down her face.

When she had woken up she had found herself alone, no one was there, and it had scared her.

"I thought something bad had happened to you dad, you almost scared me too death!"

"I am so sorry, but I thought that there were people looking after you" he didn't want to tell her the truth yet, he wanted to save this moment before crashing it…

"No, no one has been here, except Lucinda. I tried to ask her and the doctors but they refuse to tell me where you were and why you weren't here…" Bella said in an angry voice

"What, you mean that Casey hasn't been here?" Noah asked, not wanting to here the answer.

"Casey? Why would Casey be here??" Bella asked, now very confused.

_That son of a bitch... He had taken my daughter from me, and he didn't even visited her, he didn't sat with her when she woke up?__  
__What kind of dad was he??_

"Because he is you biological father Bella, and it seems that he has taking over custody over you. Don't ask me how because I don't know how he did it whiteout going to court, but something is telling me that it has to do with money, lots of money…"

"But why would he do that dad?"

Noah pulled his daughter to him.

"I don't know Bella, but I intend to find out and I am going to fight for you… got that? I am not going to give up… "

"I got it dad, and I am going to fight in every possible why that I can" Bella said and hugged her dad.

Right in that moments Casey and Luke stepped though the door, with Dr Bob, behind them.


	11. Control

_I remember love, I remember jealousy. I remember a lot of feelings that I used to have before I got Bella, but one feeling that I've almost forgotten is the feeling of rage and anger. That kind of rage that makes you loses control over your mind and body…_

Such a powerful weapon, but yet my greatest fear that I carry in my heart, it scares me to death, that I have it inside me.  
Because that feeling is the only connection that I have left to my father and every time that I can't control myself, I feel that somehow I become him in a way.

_The only person that I have found that has that effect on me, is Casey.  
He managed to set something off in me, that make me lose control, and I know that in the end all of this is going to end bad…_

_You now those old stories about knight, that's me and Casey.  
Standing face to face the swords is in our hands and we are ready to fight. We are standing there to end this and where only one of us is going to be the victory._

_But the only thing that I never seem to figure out is, who of us is the bad guy and who is the good one?_

Noah didn't even look at Casey or Luke when they entered the room. Instead he tried to keep his focus on Bella.  
He thought that it was a little strange that she hadn't reacted when he said that Casey was her bio-dad. She had been to quite, no like his Bella, the Bella that was not afraid to speak or show her emotions. When he came to think about it Bella was a lot like Luke in many ways.

"Noah" Bob said, his voice was calm and steady. "Aren't you supposed to be lying in a bed resting..?"

"I was sir, but not before making sure that my daughter was safe and okay but obviously she is not" Noah answered, trying hard to remain calm.

"She is not you daughter" Casey said blurted out.

"Yes I am!" Bella said before Noah had a chance to respond. "Casey, I do not know what kind of sick and twisted game that you are trying to play against my dad and me, but this little thing that you are doing here is going to stop right now!  
Apparently you missed out on a life lesson Casey, DNA is not the meaning of everything, and it doesn't tell you how to feel or to think. It might tell me that you created me but it do not say that you are my dad, the only person how has that title and has the right to it is Noah.  
I am not going to let some pieces of paper tell me otherwise, or some lab test. I know what my heart says and that is good enough for me."

Noah had never felt so much pried as he did in that moment, and right that moment he knew that he had something that Casey didn't have.  
He had Bella's love; he had her heart and trust, he had her life in his hands.

The only thing that Casey really had was a piece of paper that didn't say anything except something that they already knew, only DNA facts.

_Mayer 1 – 0 Casey _

"Can I talk to you guys outside, all three of you?" Noah asked.

Casey looked like he was about to refuse but then he walked after Luke, out of Bella's room, leaving a very confused Bella.

"Casey, right now I am going to try, even if it is only for a moment. I am going to try to pretend that you aren't an asshole, the asshole who stole my boyfriend, tried to set me up to make me look like the bad guy, hurting Maddie and that you aren't trying to steal my daughter away from me. I mean what I am saying; _I am going to try to pretend…" _Noah said, looking Casey straight in his eyes.

Noah didn't blink or break eye contact; he wanted to be sure that Casey got the message, that it was crystal clear.

"Casey, how much do you know about Isabella?" Noah asked as he took a step towards him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you know for example that this hospital visit in normal for her? That what happened to her has happened before? That she is sick?

Noah words were calm; he had tried to sound fair to Casey, trying not to judge him or anything.

"I kind of got the point about her being sick, why else would she be in a hospital…?" Casey said sarcastic.

It took Noah's all self-control that he had to not punch Casey in the face. Here he was trying to explain to him about Bella's condition, and Casey didn't even seem to care.

"Noah, do you want me to tell him? Maybe Casey would take it more seriously then?" Bob asked

Noah shook his head. "No thank you, I think that I can handle it"

Bob's word somehow managed to bring attention to Casey who now turned around.

"Noah, will you tell just tell me what is going on here?"

"Bella… has a form of Cancer"

"Form? What kind of form?

"It's Called Mesothelioma, and I think that Bob should tell you the rest" Noah said quite before leavening the hall and walking back to his room.

Bob turned to Casey and Luke who hadn't spoken a word at all.

"Malignant mesothelioma is a rare type of cancer that occurs in the thin layer of cells lining the body's internal organs, known as the mesothelium

The only recognized cause of mesothelioma is exposure to asbestos.

Treatment for mesothelioma depends greatly on the health of the patient and the stage of the disease, and its location. Treatment will generally include a combination of surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy.  
Unfortunately, in most cases, by the time mesothelioma is diagnosed, the disease has progressed to its later stages."

"Ho-how is this possible, and what are you doing for her right now?" Luke asked, breaking the silences that hung in the air.

"Noah thinks that it happened when Bella was around six or seven years old. The school that she went to was being renovated at the time and we know that there was some asbestos in the walls and ceiling. There was a chance, a pretty small chance that the children was going to breathe this in, but somehow Bella did it"

"What kind of treatment has she been giving?" Luke asked, and there was very concerned tone in his voice.

"She has been treated with Radiation and chemotherapy. We wanted to try surgery to but Bella is refusing. Very often the surgery is unsuccessful, it doesn't help the patient and in some cases it can make it worse for the patient" Bob said.

"What, so we can only hope that the treatment helps? Or she will, what die?" Luke asked again.

"That's one of the problems. We or I mean Dr Mallard has tried to give her the best treatment as possible, but it seems as it is not working, at least not as good as we are hoping. So yes Luke, you are right, if something good doesn't happened soon, she will die at the end of this summer"

Luke froze when Bob's word hit him.

_If something good doesn't happened soon, she will die at the end of this summer._

_My stupid husband is trying to take Bella away from Noah, when this maybe the last summer they have together, and he is trying to destroy that…_

_Not going too happened…_

"Bob, can I talk to Casey in private?"

Bob took the hint and nodded before leaving the room.

"Casey, are you insane? What the hell are you doing?" Luke was surprise to hear himself so angry.

"What?"

Luke took a step towards looking him straight into his eyes, trying to see something real and some kind of emotions but there was nothing there.

"Why are you trying to take Bella away from Noah? You don't have any connection to her, this is a way for you to get even more pay back at Noah!

I swear Casey, if you don't back of, if you don't stop and make all this right, you don't have a husband anymore. So it is up to you, what it more important: Your husband or revenge?"

Casey looked at Luke with hate in his eyes.

"You still love him don't you? You still have feelings for him, right? You still want to be with Noah?

Luke sighed, where did Casey get a stupid idea like that?

"No Casey, I don't love him, but what you are doing is wrong! She is dying, she only has this summer left with her dad, and what do you do Casey? You take Noah away from her not to mention that you don't care about her!  
She has been lying here for over two days and you haven't seen here even once!

A dad, a real dad don't act like that towards his child, and you Casey are not here Dad, Noah is!

_Mayer 2 – 0 Casey _

Casey just looked at Luke; his face had turned red, but was it of anger or embarrassment?

Luke didn't wait for Casey to even try to respond, and simply walked away from Casey towards Noah's room…


	12. Responsibility

_I told them…God, I told them…  
I know that it is now that hell begins, right here and now… It is now the question begins and the looks.  
God, I hate the looks… I mean the questions those I can stand because it is all the same and now I know the answer but the looks; they always kill something inside me, they burn..._

_Mayer, get a grip! You are going to sleep, do you hear yourself? You are going to sleep, get the rest that you need to get out of this hospital. Then you are going to fight to get you daughter back…_

_So sleep!_

Noah was tossing and turning in the hospital bed. He couldn't seem to get any sleep, even if he wanted body was relaxed and he felt how tired he was but his minds didn't leave him alone…  
Noah heard footsteps and they were stepping towards his door, he closed his eyes and turning away from the door, pretending to be asleep.

Luke tried to hide a smile when he walked through the door. He knew that Noah wasn't a sleep as he was pretending to knew Noah all too well, even after all these years he could still look at him and see if he was a sleep or not. If he was sad or happy, lying or avoiding something

_I guess that Noah Mayer still has a place in my heart, deep where everything I thought was locked away, but he still existed there, and I still know him…_

"Noah, I know that you're not sleeping" Luke said with a soft voice.

Noah turned around and looked at Luke with tired eyes. He did not want this conversation right now, he was done talking for the moment, and he was tired of he wanted was to sleep, but a voice inside his head told him that was not going to happened if he knew Luke right.

"You don't look so great" Luke said as he sat down.

"What did you expect Luke? That I would be all happy and smiling? "Noah said in a harsh voice. He was done playing games, teasing or what it was they had been doing this last couple of days.

Luke shrugged a little bit but soon recovered from Noah's attack. "No I didn't expect that. It's just that you look like a living dead"

"Well, that is how I feel right now. Like I am dying inside" Noah answered and suddenly looking down at his hands instead of Luke

"Is it because of what Casey did?"

"A part if it is, yes but the other part is more about what I did or to be more exactly what I didn't do…" Noah said in a low voice

Luke moved closer to Noah and grabbed one of his hands. "What was it that you didn't do?" he asked, looking into a pair of sad blue eyes,

"I co-could have prevented Bella from getting sick. We all knew that there was a risk, so we voted about wherever the children should stay in the school or not… I could have stopped it somehow. "

Luke could see the quilt in Noah's eyes; he really did blame himself that Bella had gotten sick.

"Noah, it wasn't you fault. Thinks like this happened, but it is not your fault!"

"But I could have stopped it!" Noah protested. "It is my job to make sure that nothing happened to my daughter, but I failed and look at her now! She lying there in pain and dying."

"Noah, we can't protect people for everything, it's a part of growing up"

"There is a difference between growing up and getting hurt. You of someone should now since you are so good at hurting people…" Noah said quiet

Luke ignored the comment that came out from Noah's mouth. "But it is still not your fault Noah!"

Noah looked at Luke before saying anything. "You don't have kids do you Luke?" Luke shook his head. "I thought so because if you knew you would understand what I am talking about. You have certain responsibility as a parent and I failed in that category. "

He was right, Luke didn't really understand what Noah was talking about, but he had a hunch. Luke had always felt that he had a certain responsibility to his siblings but he had always had his parents there if something went wrong.

_I don't think that I could imagine if my parents hadn't been there some of the times when things started to fall apart._

_Now Noah has that roll, it has to be hard…_

"I really should get some sleep" Noah said and broke Luke out of his thoughts.

"I guess I should let you sleep" Luke said and started to rise up from his chair but was stopped by Noah who took his hands and looked at him with a plea in his eyes. "Could you please stay until I fall asleep? I haven't gotten a good sleep for a while now and I remember those time when I couldn't sleep and you were always there helping me.  
I hate to admit it but this is the first time I have felt that I need someone by my side. It doesn't mean anything, I just need someone… Please Luke…"

Luke found himself lost in Noah's eyes, how could he possibly say no to Noah when he looked like that?

"All right, but only to you fall asleep, got that?" Noah nodded and moved a bit to make room for Luke on the bed. At first they both stiffen as soon as their bodies come in contact with each other but very soon that feeling started to fade away and started to be replaced with another feeling; Home.

This was what Noah needed, he needed distraction, something that made his mind stop thinking, and soon he found himself asleep.

Luke smiled when he saw Noah lying there, the guilt and sadness that he had seen a moment ago wasn't there anymore. He looked so peaceful and Luke could feel how Noah snuggled even more closely, pulling him in.

_Crap, I am stuck.  
If I move Noah will wake up, and he really needs to sleep…I guess that I have no other choice then to stay._

Luke smiled at the thought… it wasn't so bad being trapped by Noah. He stopped trying to get out of the bed and leaned back into Noah's warm embrace, soon falling asleep to.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

"Casey if you don't get out of my room right now I am going to scream!" Bella yelled

Casey "the idiot" only took a step closer to Bella's bed.

"I swear if you take one more step Casey, I am going let have my dad kick you out of this hospital"

Casey smirked "You can't do that, I am you father"

Bella shook her head in pure anger and frustration. "You really don't get it do you Casey? You are only my dad on a piece of paper, which allow you to have control of where I have to life but you do don't control who get in and out of this hospital. I do that, and doctor Bob."

"No you don't" Casey said but his voice betrayed him.

"Why don't you ask Bob yourself?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I loved your mother very much…"

"You have a funny way of showing it. Now get out before I make sure that someone else throws you out!"

Casey glared at Bella but walked out the room anyway.

He manage to find Bob, he had to ask him if Isabella was right.

"Bob, is it true that it is only Bella how can decide who is allowed to visit her?"

Bob smiled to himself. "Yes" He said and walk away leaving a very angry and confused Casey.


	13. A glimt of the past

Chapter 13 – The past

_"I know that there is a lot of different kind of love. There is friendship, family, lovers, animals, things… So many things, so many different emotions…_

I have always tried label things so I know where I stand, but when it comes to Luke… I am speechless, I do not know what has happen this two weeks .First I could not even look at him, then there was hate for a moment, or maybe that was because of Casey? Then it was some kind of forgiveness, I am not sure what it was at that point, but somehow we took a step forward instead of back.  
And then… I just do not know how to label it. We haven't yelled to each other, it is almost like old times but at the same time it is not… I can't explain this feeling… but I do know that there is something here…

_I wish that I could see me through Luke's eye see the reflection; I wish I could see what he thinks when he sees me, when he talks to me. I need to know, to see if there is hope or not"_

Bella walked through the hospital doors, she was glad that finally after a lot of arguing with the doctors and her dad, she was going 's mood changed from overjoyed to horrify when she saw the crowed that was standing there to meet her. The Snyder clan was standing three meters in front of her and from what she could see it looked like all of them.

She gave her dad a look that said "What_ the hell are this people doing here …?"_

Noah saw the confusion, the fear in his daughter eyes, he wished that he could take that away but the Snyder's had insist on coming. He had every single way to trick them; he had even gone so far to try to change the day Bella was supposed to be released from the knew that this whole thing had started to make her uncomfortable, having the Snyder around, when they knew that Bella wasn't his biological daughter, the look that they gave both of them when Bella/Noah/Casey had gotten into one of their fights, with mainly was about what was right and wrong…

Bella took a deep breath and smiled towards the little crow. Noah had always taught her to respect people and behave, no matter how much you hated the person, _**(like Casey)**_

With determination she started to walk and at the same time she tried to ignore the looks and gasps from the people that was standing beside him

"Hi dad" Bella said and grinning while slowly walking towards her dad, but still make sure that her body was fine and was nothing more she wanted then to run as fast as she could and hug him, but her body was not going to allow that.

"Hi Isabella" Noah answered back with an even lager grin if that even was Bella, He could run and so he lifted her up into a big hug around before putting her down, composing himself again but it didn't take long before he lost control kept hugging each other, letting the world fade away but it didn't last for long.

Out of nowhere Casey's silhouette came visible and if looks could kill, both of the would be dead

Noah and Bella sighed at the same time, but ignored Casey's look. They started to walk towards the car and Bella only smiled at the people that were surrounding them. She was too tired to talk and say hi to everyone.

Gently Noah helped her into the car and closed the door before walking back to Casey.

"I glad that you were able to make it" Noah said in a cold voice. "How many times is it that you have visited her this week? One time?"

"Three actually" Casey snapped back.

"Wow, unbelievable"

Noah could feel how the rage and anger started to boil inside of he found out that Casey had refused Bella and him living together, it had only made him hate Casey even more, beyond reason.

However he had founded out how he could trigger Casey even more, it was a way for him to prove to the court that Casey couldn't take care of Bella. So he tried it every time, and it worked.

"Casey, I hope that you are aware that it is Bella's birthday soon" Noah said in an innocent voice.

"Really, what date is it?" Casey asked and to Noah's surprise he sounded a little excited about it, like he really wanted to know.

"I think that you could guess if you really think about it, it is not that hard" Noah said, and for a moment he took himself back into time, back into the memory.

**Noah could remember is all too well, it was a Friday, the 18th of June. A sunny day that turned in to a nightmare.**

_I was sitting at The Bench with Luke in my arms; we were just being lazy that day, not doing anything, just enjoying the heat and the moment. I thought that noting could keep us apart, not even after Casey, it had taken some while but we manage to get pass that. (No make-up sex that time)_

_I was happy, I thought that nothing could go wrong and I was going to ask Luke to move in with me, this time permanent. Not letting anything holding us back, not letting anything get between us again.I didn't know how wrong I was, that this day was going to be my worst nightmare but at the same time one of the happiest moments._

I remember how Casey came over to us and started to flirt with Luke, and I was so glad when Luke told him to knock it off with he did.I couldn't stop smiling when I saw Casey walking away with an angry face! It felt like after so long I won but I was so wrong.

_Then came The call a couple of hours later, which change my life forever, I can still remember it so clearly._

_I remember how I could hear Maddie's voice on the other end; she was in panic and crying. So I did the only logical think, I ran to her, despite Luke's said that Maddie was only tricking me, so that she could give the baby to me instead of keeping it. I refused to believe him. I knew Maddie, I had been with her for 9 months so see that she wanted the baby and she was going to love it with her heart, despite how she got pregnant._

_That was the only part that Luke didn't know, I keep wondering if it would had make any difference if he had known, but it is too late to turn back timeSo I left anyway, maybe I shouldn't have but I did, and I think that it was what drove Luke into Casey's arms, like it had with Brian. _

_I remember the scene in front of me when I got to the house. The door was opened and Maddie was lying on the floor, little Baby was lying next to her, crying hard and it too was cover in Maddie's blood. Somehow I called an ambulance while I tried to stop the bleeding but it was no use. I knew it and so did Maddie; there was no way that the ambulance would make it in time to save her. _

_I remember how she whispered into my ear. "I need you to take care of her for me. I want you to keep her as far as possible for Casey"_

_I knew that I tried to protest. I couldn't take care of a child, I couldn't leave Oakdale, thiw it was my home. Of course Maddie did not listen to me, instead she kept talking._

"_Noah, you can't let my baby girl near Casey! He would kill her as soon as he got his change. I am asking you; no I am begging you please! Take her and keep her safe, for me Noah. Please do it for me and her, she deserves to live a life, and I know that you would be the best dad in the world."_

_I could only nod back, but I knew that she was right. I had to take her, and I was one of few people who knew what Casey was capable of. _

_I could hear the ambulance now, but they were too far gone to make it. Maddie was lying there, not moving but I should see her chest rising and falling.I remember taking the little baby into my arms and sitting down with Maddie, only waiting for death to come, and so it did. __I remember how I tried to explain to Margo and to the other people, they believed me. I was free to leave and so I did. __My first thought was how on earth I could explain this to Luke without proving to him that he was right, which he was not. Soon however I did have to. _

_When I walked into the farm, I saw Casey's car in the parking lot. I was not surprised to find them together, I had accepted it a long time ago, but I had closed my eyes. That night I did not. I could see how they stopped in the act as I walked in the room but I had not time to try to yell at either of them. It didn't matter somehow, what did was the girl lying in my car.__I took I bag and just took some stuff and packed as fast as I could. It wasn't until I had left the room and gotten into my car that Luke reacted on what had happened, but it was too late. I was not turning back now, and Luke had himself to blame not me this time or Maddie._

_When I finally stopped the car, I had some time to think. First she needed a name. There was a lake nearby so I walked over there and sat down.  
I didn't take me long to pick out a name, Isabella Angelina Mayer, I took a bit of water from the lake, and I let it run over her head, cleaning away the memory of tonight.  
It was 00:00... _

_I remember how I smiled for the first time that evening and whispered out into the night. "Welcome to the world my daughter." __That is her true birthday that is the one we celebrate every year. The 19__th__ of June, when I for the first time I called Bella my daughter and that is one memory Casey want destroy or rip apart from my mind. _

"Dad, let's go" Bella yelled from the car and she took Noah back to reality.

He took a last glance of the couple standing in front of him.

_Do you still love me Luke? Every day I still wonder why and if there was a way for me to change the past so that it was you, me and Bella._

Noah walked back to the car and drew towards the farm. He knew that Casey would be staying at the farm and he could do anything to protect Bella...


	14. Sleeping trouble

Chapter 14

Bella could feel that Luke was watching her every move. He had done that all day, every single little move or word she said. It was like he was analyzing what she said and did, frankly it was starting to get annoying.

The true was that Luke had been "spying" on Bella all day; somehow he felt a connection when he was around her. Nothing sexual or anything like that but it was something there.

Maybe it was because the girl that stood in front of him now, was in fact Maddie's daughter. Maddie who used to be his best friend, before everything got all messed up.  
Or it could be the fact that Bella was Noah's daughter. Bella had been living with him these past years, getting to know him in a way that Luke never had gotten the chance to, and maybe he never would. She, who had been with him all this time, who had taken care of Noah, knew what he liked to eat, what he work with, everything about him…

A little part of him was also scared. He had seen how much Bella mean to Noah, and if he somehow messed thing up, Noah would get more reasons to hate him.

He didn't blame Noah for leaving him that night, hell he probably would have done the same thing.

It was just that Bella had something with Noah that Luke never would have anymore; she had a relationship with him. That was another part why Luke didn't want to screw things up with Bella; she was his chance to reconnect with Noah.

"Luke, can you give me a hand here?" Bella asked while examining him closely. She had noticed that sometimes Luke had looked at her with hate and jealousy in his eyes.

So far she hadn't been able to figure out what her dad had seen in this guy, she couldn't see that Luke her dad had talked about .She wanted to see it, to find it and see if there was hope for those two. All ready this week see had started to see changes in Noah, things that she normally hadn't seen in his eyes, and in the way he had been acting.

She could still here her dad recurrence words; don't worry about Casey, Luke will look after you. Right know she didn't really believe her dad.

Luke smiled at her, happy that he was asking her and not his dad. "Sure"

*****

They worked side by side until Luke head the familiar voice of Emma Snyder, calling out that it was time for dinner.

Her dad had warned her about dinner at the Snyder; it was "question time" so to speak, and her dad was right. The minute that she sat down, they started to ask her, but what surprised her the most was that Luke was the one that started.

"So Bella, where do you and Noah live?" Luke asked, trying to sound normal. He was finally getting some information.

"California" Bella answered while looking down at her food, it looked delicious, and she was starving.

"Have you live there for a long time?" he asked.

He needed to know if they did. He had met them at the meeting a few weeks ago, but was it permanent?

"Yes we have actually, all my life. I guess it's because my dad moved around a lot and he don't want me to experience how it is to never settle down, to never really have a home" Bella said. "Except Oakdale, that the only place he calls home" She added

Luke tried to hide how surprised he was to hear that. Noah had told her about his dad.

_I wonder what else he has told her…_

He couldn't help but smile as he heard what Bella said about Oakdale, that is was still after all this years the only place that Noah could call home. It made him feel a little proud, that he somehow had managed to create a home for Noah.

"He told you about Winston?" Luke asked, once again surprised. He hadn't expected that.

"Yes he did. He his my dad, what did you expect? We don't keep secrets from each other" Bella answered, still in a clam voice but the answer was directly to Luke with a hidden message.

"What else did he tell you?" Luke blurred out all of a sudden, he could keep his mouth shut, and this was Noah they were talking about!

"A lot of things… Is there anything special you are referring to?" Bella asked with curiosity in her voice. She knew what Luke really wanted to know but she also knew that he wouldn't ask it here.

"No" Luke said quietly. He wasn't ready to ask the question yet, afraid what the answer would be.

"I heard that Noah is a director now?" Luke asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Yes he is" Bella answered and started to smile to herself. "He is very good at what he is doing, and he loves it. Have you seen any of his movies? I don't know how far it has spread but in California they were popular" Bella said and wasn't hard to hear the pride and enthusiasm in her voice.

"No" Luke lied.

He was not going to tell Bella that he had all Noah's movies hidden in his room. That he knew almost every line there was from his movies. He was not going to tell her that every time when he felt down or depressed, he watched one of Noah's movies, they always made him feel better.

The room went very quiet, it seemed that Luke didn't have more questions, or he wanted to ask them in private. Bella sighted of relief and continued to eat her food.

It didn't take long for the Snyder to pick up a conversation and Bella was glad that she hadn't to participate in it because she could feel how tired her body was.

"I think it is time for you to get to bed" Luke said with a soft voice and got up from his chair.  
Bella nodded and smiled very grateful back.

Bella opened her eye and sat up. She blinked a little bit and looked at the time, it was around midnight.

_I guess I was more tired then I thought._

Suddenly she heard something and sat straight up but the house went quite again. Bella started to relax but the she heard it again, this time louder.

It took a while to hear where it come from and what it was…

_  
O my god... Don't say that they are …_

Bella gasped at the thought, but she knew she was right…

There was moans, groans coming from Luke's bedroom and this walls was not soundproof so she should here them pretty clearly.

_I can believe that they are doing it with children in the house_

Frustrated she tried to get back to sleep but it was impossible, it was like watching porn except she didn't see the person, only hearing them.

Trying to distract herself she got her I pod from the table and plugged the earphones in, but that didn't really work either. Bella was all to ware what was going on at the bedroom next door.

"grrrr" She sat up again, cursing over the whole situation.

She couldn't interrupt them that would not be good, but she couldn't sit here, listening to them.

So she took her pillow and a blanket and started to walk to the stair, maybe sleeping downstairs would help.

In the morning she was going to have a talk to Luke and Casey… a really long talk.

As she past Luke's door a word stopped her.

"God, Nooooaaahhhh" Luke whispered.

Wait, did he just say Noah?

After a second she could hear Casey's voice.

"What did you say?

Then Luke's again, this time lower.

"I sad ooaaaahhhh…"

Bella smiled to herself, she wanted to opened the door and shout "No, he said Noah".

_So Mr. Snyder, you still have feelings for my dad… Finally we are getting somewhere with this whole ting…_

Bella chuckled to herself before heading downstairs…Time for operation "Love birds"


	15. What?

Chapter 15

In pure frustration Bella throw her pillow across the living room, it was now around four and she couldn't sleep. Luke and his so sweet husband (not) had been going on all night; they didn't seem to ever stop. Sorting

_This is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! I mean they have to stop sometime right: they can't keep doing this for ever... right?_

Bella kept muttering to herself the next hour, cursing as soon as she heard moans and groans from Luke's bedroom.

Thankfully the sounds stopped after a while and Bella sighted with relief, but it was almost six clock which meant it was too late for her to go back to sleep. In pure anger Bella slowly sank back, trying to enjoy the stillness and silence that was surrounding the house, but it did not last long, someone walking down the stairs.

_If it's Luke I am going to kill Him!_

It wasn't Luke, instead the face of Holden Snyder appeared at the doorway, he had a tired face as well, as if like her he hadn't slept that good either.

"You too huh?" Holden asked, stepping towards the couch.

"What gave me away?" she answered back with a tired smile.

"I heard you walking downstairs around midnight"

"Are they allowed to…?" Bella blushed a little and turned her attention to the pillow." Sleep together when there are other people in the house?"

"No they are not" Holden shook his head in anger. "Both Casey and Luke know the rules… and it only took them a couple of hours to break them"

"What kind of rules?" Bella asked, half confused and happy at the same time, glad that someone shared her thoughts and anger about this.

"That they, under no circumstances, were to sleep together in any kind of form when there is people here… That meant that they don't even get to chare a bedroom, husband or not…"

Bella chuckled a little when a memory suddenly was coming back to her.

"What?" Holden asked a little confused.

"Nothing really" Bella said, still chuckling a bit to herself. "It's only that my dad told me about this rules when he used to live here. I didn't expect that they still existed."

Holden laugh to. "As long as Emma is living here with her shot gun, those rules is going to be here for a long time…All through this was the first time that I think that Emma was right about this rules, well at least when it comes to Casey and Luke…"

"Why?"

"Well… they are pretty loudly unlike Noah and Luke" Holden said.

Bella couldn't give him an answer back, how could she? Holden had just told her that Noah and Luke sex life, way too much information for her at least.

"Well, time to get those morning chores done "

"Can I help?" Bella asked and sat straight up. There was a spark in her eye, all the tiredness that was there before was now gone.

"Why not I don't think that my son will be up anytime soon" Holden said and together they walked to the stables.

It took about three hours before they were done with the entire morning chorus, and it felt good to work, put all frustration into it.

"I guess we are done here" Holden said as he whipped some sweat from his forehead. "Come on, let's get some breakfast, I am starving"

Bella nodded and smiled, before replying. "Me too"

"I hope that our dear Luke is up" Holden said. "Or else I am going to pour a bucket of cold water over him"

Bella laughed and together they walked into the kitchen. Unfortunately Luke was awake, standing by the stove, making breakfast.

"Too bad" Holden said as they entered and saw Luke. That comment only made Bella laugh harder.

"Yeah, it really is! I had loved to see you do it" Bella said with an evil grin.

A very confused Luke turned around, glaring at his dad and Bella. "What?" He said

"Nothing" Bella replied, still grinning at Luke. "Let's just say that it is a… joke between two people, who shares a common gold and experience."

Luke only shook his head, not understanding a word they said.

Bella had been too busy not notice that her dad was sitting at the dinner table, with a smile on his face.

"Good morning Bella" He greeted his daughter.

"Good morning dad" Bella answered back and walked towards him for their morning hug.

"What's the joke?" He whispered as he pulled her closer.

"I tell you later" Bella replied in a low voice and smiled.

A minute Lily came walking in to.

"I am glad that you finally are a wake Luke. You must be exhausted after last night" Lily said in an innocent voice. "Where is Casey by the way?

Once again Bella couldn't help to laugh again, and this time it seem like she couldn't stop.

_I am glad that I am not the only one hearing them last night!  
This is so hilarious!_

"I am glad that someone things that this private joke is funny" Luke said before going back making breakfast.

Bella chucked and shook her head, Luke had keep them all night, so he had to take a small Joke without making into such a big deal.

"Will you keep it down?" A voice shouted from the stairs, and a moment later that face was soon replaced by Casey, looking very tired.

The spark in her eyes was gone the moment Casey walked through the door, and the only think that you could see in Bella's eye was tiredness and anger.

"It's almost past ten o'clock Casey, I am allowed to speak and laugh if I want to" Bella snapped back.

"Bella" Noah said in a warning voice from the table.

Bella sighed; she gave him an evil look before walking back to the table to sit by her dad.

"I guess someone woke up one the wrong side of bed this morning"

That comment didn't really help Bella at all and she couldn't keep quiet anymore. "I would have slept better if it weren't for you and Luke"

"What are you talking about?" Noah asked Bella but he had his eyes locked on Luke, demanding an exploration.

The whole room suddenly went very, very quiet.

It was one thing joking around but if Bella knew that if Noah somehow got to know, he would go ballistic.  
She had already experienced what her dad though about having sex when there were children in the house. Under no circumstances was that allowed.

_# Flashback #_

_Bella was fast asleep when the sounds of angry voices woke her up. She knew better then to go down the stairs and acknowledge that she was awake, so slowly , not wanting to make a sound she started to crawl closer to the stair, but not close enough, only so that she was able to hear the voices. _

_One of the voices was her dad, he sounded very angry and the other one belonged to Mark, a man that her dad was dating at the time. She had always liked Mark, he was nice and funny._

"_What is wrong with you Mark? Bella almost caught us!" Noah whispered in a cold and angry voice. _

"_Excuse me for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend Noah!" Mark said in a loud voice_

"_I told you that I can't, not when my daughter is asleep in the same house! Why can't you respect that! If Bella means so much to you as you claim you would understand" Noah answered back, still in a cold voice.  
Bella couldn't see her dad face, but if she had, she would know what is showed. _

"_She is asleep for god's sake! She wouldn't have heard anything anyway. This is about you Noah not her, you are afraid of sleeping with me. You can't let me take control, and that scares the shit out of you" Mark said even angrier than before. _

"_What the hell did you get that from Mark? Have you completely lost you mind? What would happened if Bella woke up and saw us naked, together in bed, how would you explain that to her?" Noah asked._

"_She would just have to deal with it, like everyone else. I have dated men who have had children before and they have never had this problem before Noah. You are too protected about Bella." _

_She could hear how Mark sat down on the couch, the floor was creaking. _

"_She is 7 years old Mark! 7!!" Noah said in a frustrated voice._

He was starting to get tired of this game with Mark. It was always the same thing, all the time. Why did every relationship he had, had to be about sex? Why had it be the thing that controlled the whole relationship, why could he found a guy that could understand the situation? He had a daughter and he was not going to risk the chance of her walking in on them.

"_So?" Mark asked_

_He really couldn't see the big deal, they were two grown up people who loved each other. Without knowing it Mark had pushed Noah's button way too far. There was no turning back now._

"_Get out, now" He said, taking Mark's arm and starting to drag in to the door._

"_You can't kick me out" Mark protested _

"_It is my house, and I want you gone. I can't have someone like you near my daughter." Noah answered back, still dragging him to the door. _

"_What about my stuff! We can talk this out Noah, come on!" Mark said in desperation._

"_No" Noah said, giving Mark a light push through the door. _

"_Good Bye Mark. I don't ever want to see you here again. This is not me being afraid for sex or a relationship if that was you think. This is about you not respecting me or my daughter and this time you have gone too far Mark.  
I am sorry Mark, I really am. I thought that you were different from the other guy that I have meet and it turns out that you weren't. You just had a little more patient that them, but except for that, you are just like them."_

_Mark didn't say a word, he just turned around and walked away. _

_The next day when she asked Noah what had happened to Mark, he told her the truth, all of it except for the whole sex part but he didn't lie that much. _

_After Mark, Noah never dated anyone else, he never brought anyone home. It simply wasn't worth it, when all guys that he meet only was interested in one thing… Sex_

_All through from that day none of them lied to etch other._

Bella was not starting now with it either.

"Dad, can I talk to you… in private"

Noah nodded and followed his daughter into the living room. As soon as they sat down Bella started to explain what happened yesterday. From Luke strange behavior, his little question time and how he in the end had been sweet to her, making sure that she got to bed and saw it!

Then the hard part came, the waking up, listening and going downstairs to sleep. When she came to that part, Noah clenched his jaw and his eyes blue eye that most of the time was soft and caring when dark. The rage was impossible to miss, but a question remained. Was it because Luke and Casey had sex or was it simply because they cause lack of sleep for Bella…?

Noah didn't say anything for a long moment. He didn't know what to say or how to act.

The sex subject had always been an issue to him since he became a dad, trying to protect Bella from further damage. He knew that the older she got the more she would understand, but he didn't think that she was ready to have sex or to even seeing it.

He wanted to keep her safe as long as possible for all dangers that existed in the world, but sooner or later he had to let her go. Let her go her own path, if that would happen he had to…

The other thing that bugged him was that it seemed so…. Forced and like it was some kind of game… No one can go all a whole night and they weren't twenty years old anymore…  
So what was this whole thing, was it o try to make him jealousy, or to prove something…?

He didn't like it one bit, and this was where his daughter was supposed to stay? No bloody, fucking way…

He looked at Bella who was waiting painterly to see his reaction but there was something else in her eyes.

"Dad… I want to tell you something else. I am not sure that I mean anything to you or Luke, I could even have heard it all wrong… god this is so silly but I heard Luke call you name during the… act."

"What?" If Noah wasn't in chock before, he was now. Luke had called his name during it… That couldn't mean anything, could it?

Never less, he had to stick to the point which was that they had sex, when Bella was only a wall away.

Bella got up from the couch and looked at her dad to try to read him.

"Dad, I am going to go and eat breakfast and when you decide to join me you better behave. I am really trying to have a good summer, and so far it sucked, so pleas behave!" Bella begged before walking out, leaving her dad to his thought.

Noah sat a while longer, trying to sort thing out whatever he needed to sort out. He wasn't sure anymore about what he thought, felt and acted.  
His whole reality that he was known to live in had been turned upside down, he had to face a new one, out of his wisdom.

When Noah walked in the kitchen, seeing his daughter there, he smiled. He was going to do this; he had to, for her.  
He could feel Luke's eye on him so he looked up to meet those hazel brown eye that he used to love so much, and for some reason he found himself smiling to Luke.

He didn't feel the anger, pain or any other depressed emotion.

Maybe this could work?


	16. A little bit of revenge

- Bella –

After the incident with sleeping arrangement, thing are starting to work out just fine. Casey is sleeping in the dark and very cold basement as far away from my room as possible, in case they decide that they want to have a little midnight fun, I won't be bothered at all.  
By the sound of it, he is going to have to stay there the whole summer. I hope he freezes to death. Okay, maybe not to death, that a little to mean but still, the idea is very, very tempting.

Luke is starting to act normal around me which is very nice; I can see why my dad fell for him. I have chough him and my dad alone a lot these past days, I don't know what they are doing, not kissing, that I can tell. But as soon as I walk into the room they two goes very quiet, what are they up to? I hope that everything is fine between them, or operation "lovebirds" is going to be though to go through with.I know that my dad and Luke belong together; I can see and feel it. Unfortunately they are both one of the most stubborn that I have the misfortune to know.

- Noah -

I am proud of myself, I have apparently very good self-control, more than I thought but Casey really is starting to get on my nerves. I don't know how many times he is trying to remind me who is the biological father and who is not, and every time he does that I seem to get Luke on my side. He knows that DNA is not everything that matters, and he agrees with me.

After the incident Casey was moved down to the basement, which made me very happy, I hope he freezes to death, seriously I am not kidding. The world doesn't need him, he make more harm then good.

Then there is Luke. He has been really good to me this couple of days. First I hesitated to ask him for help, but he is kind to thing is that Bella's birthday is coming up soon, and I want to make up for this past two week when everything had crashed. I want her to have a good time and I want her to remember this summer in a good way, not the-worst-summer-every-because-of-my-dad-and-his-ex boyfriend –with-his--stupid-husband kind of way.  
So I asked Luke, and he is an angel! But Bella as almost chough us, I think we manage to cover it up, pretending that there is this weird thing between us.

I don't know what to do with Luke, I know that we need to clear things out about what happened in the past, and what might happened in the future, if there is then I can't forgive him completely, and believe me when I say that I really want to...

- Luke -

I have never been so embarrassed or ashamed I my whole life! I knew from the moment that Casey came in to my room that it was a bad idea!  
For god's sake, Bella was sleeping a wall away but Casey was pushy and eventually I just gave in to avoid all the fighting.

I called Noah's name right in the middle of the act! Why the hell did a do that? He means nothing to me, nothing.I can admit that I was happy when I saw him standing in Lucinda's living room, the years has been very good to him, but we hurt damaged etch other so much....

I thought that Noah was going to kill me in the kitchen when he got to know what had happened, but instead he just smile, which completely blew me was like for a moment everything was like it used to be when we were together, and I felt in that moment that I want to get back to I said it. I want to get back to what Noah and I had before, but I don't even know if that is possible.

I have felt different signal from Noah, in the hospital it felt so good to be back in his arms and in the basement to but I know before Noah and I can be anything we need to work every problem that we have if this is going to work out, once and for all...And when he asked we if I could help him with Bella's birthday present, it was so sweet of him to ask me. He seems to be more relaxed when he is around me now, and I intend to keep it that way...

- Casey -

I want that son of a bitch out of Oakdale. How dare Noah come here, unannounced? He just showed up like that and he has MY daughter with him. I would have taken care of her if I got the change but Maddie wouldn't let me, so it is her fault really.

I have seen how Luke and Noah looked at each other, I had to prove who belongs to whom, and I did. Now I have to live in the bloody basemen for it but it was worth...Not as effective has I hoped, I wanted Noah to go ballistic but it didn't work...Not to worry thought, I have another plan to make sure that he leaves Oakdale, this time for good. I have to come up with another plan since the other one only made him stay away for 17 years.  
Luke is mine and I will do what it takes to keep him...if that means to get rid of Noah, I will...

______________________________________________________________________________________

"You're going to have to ask Casey to Bella" Noah stated. "I know how much you hate the fact that he is your bio-dad but according to the law he is in charge" Bella rolled her eyes. Noah had all ready explained this to her a thousand times. But she still hated that Casey had the so much power over her life.

"I know that, but what do we do if Casey says no? He is going to destroy my birthday!" Bella said, and in that moment Casey came walking into the living room.

"What are you talking about?" Casey asked, looking from Noah to Bella. "What is it that you want to ask me?" He said, trying to sound calm and nice even if it was hard. Just the sight of Noah made his blood boil.

Bella looked at her dad for support, almost begging him to ask him instead of her. She wasn't sure what she would do if Casey turned down her, could he really be that mean? Of course, this was Casey they were talking about! The most egoistic person you could meet."Just ask him Bells. If he says No we will just have to find another solution" Noah said in a smooth voice that was meant to comfort Bella's fears and it seemed to work a little bit.

Bella nodded before taking a deep breath and letting the question out. "All right, the thing is that my dad and I were planning of doing a trip together, a horse riding trip to be more specific. It's kind of a birth day present and I wondered if I could go" Bella said, feeling stupid about the whole situation. She was asking if she was allowed to go on a trip with her dad, but she had asked at least. Now it was all up to Casey.

"How long will you be gone?" Casey asked to Bella's surprise. She had expected him to shoot the idea down in a second, or maybe he was giving her hope so that he later could crush them.

"A week I guess. It all deepened what my dad has planned."

"You don't know how long you will be gone?

Bella shook her head. "No I don't, that the whole surprised. I know what we are going to doing, but not where we are going."

"I see" Casey suddenly became very quite. Was it possible that he would say yes?

Bella wriggled a little, what now, should she push or not? This silence was starting to get uncomfortable. "So can I go?"

"You can if I can go with you..."

"So you know how to ride?" Bella asked, stunned. She hadn't seen Casey near the stables, not even once.

"Yes" But Bella could see that he lied, it was all too clearly in those green eyes, and he just wanted to come along to destroy her birthday.

"All right, prove it then" Bella challenge "If you can do what I ask you to do, you can come along but if you can't I am allowed to go with my dad"

"Okay then, when?"

"Now" Bella said and started too walked towards the stables with her dad.

"What, now?" Casey said in panic, running after her. He had hoped that he would have a couple of days so that Luke could help him out a little.

"Yes" She said simple.

Casey to swallow the nervously, _I am going to be fine. How hard can it be?_

"O hi Luke" Bella said with a smile as she walked past him.

A minute later she was back with a brown beautiful horse. Casey back away a little bit, afraid that the horse would kick him.  
"Casey, get over here" She said in a steady and calm voice. Casey took a couple of steps closer to the big horse. "This is Goliath in case you didn't know that. I am sure that you know how to prepare him. Let me know if you need any help but since you know how to ride I am sure you'll do just fine"

"He's big..." Casey whimpered.

Noah looked at Casey with an amused look. Any idiot could see that Casey didn't know how to ride but he was too stubborn to admit it.

"Dad, why don't you go and humour Luke while I'll watch over Casey" Noah nodded. He could talk to Luke about the final preparations for the trip.

"Hi" Luke smiled as he saw Noah coming closer. "What's up with Casey?" He asked, curious to know why his dear husband was going to ride, when he hadn't even been near a horse, let alone ridden one.

"O that. Well Bella made a deal with Casey" Noah said and chuckled at the scene in front of him. Casey was trying to put the saddle on, and he was doing it all wrong with. Bella was right behind him trying to stop herself from laughing, it didn't work at all. "If Casey can to what Bella tells him to do, he can  
come along on the trip but if he can't Bella can still go, without him of course."

"But Casey doesn't know how to ride!"

"I know" Noah said with a grin. Ah, what a sweet revenge.

After 40 minutes they were ready to go to the track with Luke and Noah as an audience.

"Still sure you know how to ride?" Bella asked as they stopped. "Yes" Casey said with no confidante at all.

Bella sighed quietly. "If you say so then you wouldn't have any problem getting up"Yet again they got proof saying that Casey had no experience with horses what so ever, but Bella was not going to help him sitting up. It was one of the basic things you learned. She brought him a stool, the horse was pretty big so that she could understand but that was it. She would keep going on with the lesson until Casey comfiest that he couldn't ride. She fixed his stirrups so that they would fit and explained the basics fast.

You want the horse to stop you pull the rains and sit back heavily in the saddle.

You want to move the horse forward you smack a little bit and push with your legs on the horse side.

The first 10 minutes when well but that was only because the horse was walking, warming up a bit."Okay Casey, you can shorten you reins now" So far so good. "Then prepare for working trot" Then it happened what Bella had expected. Casey manages to get Goliath into working trot bur he had forgotten to tighten Goliath's girth. The following thing that happened was that the saddle started to glide down the side which cause Casey to fall off.

"Still think you can ride Casey?" Bella asked as she walked over to get Goliath who nicely had stopped as soon as his rider had fallen off.  
Casey muttered something that Bella couldn't hear. He walked back to the horse and fixed the saddle a bit but still hadn't realised what mistake he had done from the beginning so as soon as he tried to jump up the saddle glide back again.

"Okay, what am I doing wrong!?" Casey shouted out. Bella gave him a glare before walking to goliath and fixing his girth. "There, now you can sit up" she said and took a step back but she noticed that Goliath had pick up his riders temper and started to back a little. Quickly she took a step forward to calm him down."Casey I need you to calm down, you are scaring the horse. They can feel when we are excited or when we are mad and that affects you riding so I am going to say it again: I need you to calm down."

After a minute or so Goliath stopped tripping around and relaxed. "All right, working trot please" She said as she walked to the middle of the track.  
Casey nodded and soon after a lot of tried he manages to do it.

"Not bad Casey. Come here for a minute. This is what I want you to do. On the long side of the track I want you to canter and on the short side I want you to trot."Bella knew that Casey couldn't handle it that was the reason she did it. Then it was only a matter of time before she would break him.

Casey failed no surprise there. Even thought Bella tried to explain how he was supposed to do it."Come on Casey! You sit down in the trot, do a half halt, take your left foot back a little bit and right foot forward a little bit, and then squeezes! How hard can it be! Goliath knows what to do, but you need to show him! You told me you knew how to ride, so ride!" Bella said in a calm voice so that she wouldn't scare the horse.

Fine" Casey muttered and started trotting again. Very soon he manages to get Goliath into canter."Over the jump!" Bella yelled, she knew that he would fall off and he did, hard before he even made it over the jump. Bella was there in a second, making sure that Goliath didn't step on the reins. "Still think you can ride?" She asked looking down at Casey.

"FINE ! YOU'RE RIGHT! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RIDE" Casey yelled, trying to get up from the ground.

"Yes I am" She said, smiling down at him. "Noah show him how it's done!" She yelled throwing the helmet to him.

"My pleasure" Noah said with an evil grin. With confidence he jumped up in the saddle. He turned the horse around so that he was facing Luke for a moment and he could see what Luke was thinking. Something like: _He looks so hot and sexy up there _. Noah rode perfectly and he even got the jump right, no faults, pure perfection, and Luke?

He couldn't take his eyes of Noah. He had always dreamed to see Noah ride, to have them ride to together and there Noah was, riding. He looked so free and happy on Goliath with a playful look in his blue eyes.

_God, I wish I could sit behind him, riding bareback with him. _

Luke quickly snapped back to reality, and yet again he was the perfect husband. Helping Casey to the house, it almost looked like Casey might have broken his a lot of protest they drove him to the hospital to get him check out, and sure thing, it was broken, it was only to plaster it together.

They had made a deal and she had won but Bella wasn't done with her revenge and to do that she had do visit the hospital. She had told Noah too pack everything as soon as possible.

Soon she found Casey's room and stepped in.

"Hi Casey" She said and smiled. "I only came by to tell you something"

"Shout"

"Well, Noah and I are leaving tonight" Casey face got big and Bella could only smile. This was the reaction she had expected.

She left but only to come back a couple of seconds later. "O I almost forgot! Luke is coming with us! Have a nice week Casey" Bella said with a grin before leaving the hospital.

_I love revenge..._

When she came back, Noah and Luke were already waiting for her, all packed and ready.

"Ready?" Noah asked

Bella's grin only got bigger "I am more than ready!"

Together the trio rode out into the sunset, a week of adventure waiting for them that Luke and Noah had they didn't know was that Bella had prepared something to, it was time to set operation "Love Birds" into action.

- End of chapter 16 -


	17. A set up

"Dad, where are we?" Bella asked as she looked around, searching behind the trees after a sign that could tell her where they were.

"Right here" Noah replied, but he didn't: take his eye of the map and pulled Surprise's reins to get him to stop.

Bella groaned in pure irritation. ´"That´s not an answer dad!" She said in a low voice but the anger was there. "You have no idea, do you?" She said after a moment, when the realisation hit her.

Noah wasn't going to admit to his daughter that they were lost. Well not lost really, he knew where they where but he couldn¡¦t find that place on the map so instead he choose to not reply to his daughter question and tried to focus on the map.

"Ha" Noah shouted out loud in pure excitement as he located their position. The sound made both Bella and Luke, almost jumping out of theirs saddles.  
"Jesus Dad, are you trying to kill us?" Bella asked as she straightens her up in the saddle, still gripping tight around Nina's neck so that she would fall out, taking the reins again. But it seemed as Luke didn't share her point of view because he sat there laughing hard, and Bella could help to smile too at the light atmosphere.

That was another thing that Bella had noticed. As soon as they had left the farm, both her dad and Luke had change dramatically. It was like all the baggage that they had carried for so long, suddenly dropped, and now they where weightless, or at least more freedom. Her dad had joked around a lot and Luke; well he actually smiled, all the time. So far everything had gone better then she had expected that they would have done.

"So I take it that you know where we are?" She asked with an amused voice.

Noah nodded and he had a large grin on his face." We just have to follow this path a little bit further and then we should come near a small river, which is where our camping spot should be. "

"All right, well let's go then. I liked to get there at some point, and before the darkness comes" Bella said as she gallop away, Both Luke and Noah followed, not saying a word.

Eventually they reached the camping spot and Bella wasn't in a good mood at all. She was tired, hungry and it was starting to get both dark and cold.

Quickly she jumped of Nina, taking of the saddle and bridle. "There you go" Bella said in a soft voice as her horse started to walk away, but soon stopped to eating the green grass. From the corner of her eyes she was how Luke and Noah did the same thing with Chameu and Surprise.

"Dad?" Bella asked as she moved to the bags where the tent's where. "Why is there two tent's in here?

"Well, I thought that you and I could share one and Luke would take the other one." Noah replied as he walked to his daughter.

"No" Bella shook her head. "If there are two tents's I want to sleep alone. You know how I feel about small spaces dad" She said and crossed her arms.

"Bella, do we really have to argue about this right now? We're all hungry and tired how about we eat first?"Noah pleaded.

_I can't sleep in the same tent with Luke. There is no way that's going to work. We probably will end up hating etch other even more than before. I know that we sleep in the same bed at the hospital but that was a whole different thing..._

"Sorry dad, but no. I am old enough to sleep in a tent alone for god's sake! And there is no change in hell that I sleep in the same tent as Luke. No offense, it's not that I hate Luke or anything; it's just that it would feel like sleeping with a stranger"

Luke stepped in to the conversation. "I have to agree with Bella, Noah. I don't see why Bella can't sleep alone, and as she said: I don't really want to sleep in the same as Bella" he said with a soft voice. "No offense Bella " He added.

"None taken" She said with a smile.

Noah watched his daughter and Luke, they were actually agreed on something. All this time Noah had gotten the impression that Bella hated Luke. Okay hated was a very strong word, but they hadn't gotten along very well.

"Fine" He muttered, giving in. _Damn... this is not going to be easy..._

"Glad that's sorted out. Now can we please start with the food, before I starve to death?" Bella said and started to take out the food from the bag.

______________________________________

"I haven't had a meal this good in ages" Noah said as he leaned again the tree. "And I think it's time for you to go to bed" he murmured into Bella's hair. She was sitting in his lap, very relaxed with a blanked wrapped around her to keep her from getting cold.

"How about you tell me a story first?" She asked, snuggling closer to her dad, enjoying the moment

Noah tried to hide his surprise when he heard those words; they flattered him but scared him at the same time. It was kind of their thing, Noah used to share bits of his past, stories to be more exactly and lately Bella had been very interesting about Luke and him, but he couldn't deny his daughter.

"What kind of story do you want to here?" He asked softly.

"Hum...How about one of you most happy memory?" She said after a while.

Noah chuckled a little. "You have to be more specific then that Bells."

"Best Christmas memory on the farm then"

Noah blushed a bit as he glanced over to Luke who was sitting with a very amusing face. He took a deep breath, avoiding Luke¡¦s gaze as best as he could but it wasn't easy. It was as those brown golden eyes rigged through his walls around his heart, Noah found himself lost. Not really knowing what do to do.

"Dad!" Bella said, bringing him back.

"O yes right... Story... memory... Christmas at the farm..." He managed to say, still gazing at Luke intense. _Why can't I let myself go? Why is it as if I am under some kind of spell...? "The Luke spell"_

"That would be nice"

"Well, my best memory at the farm must be my first Christmas at the farm. It was my first real Christmas that I had. As I told you many time before my dad wasn't the nicest person in the world, and unfortunately Christmas was one of them. Anyway, Emma was so kind to let me stay there over Christmas,  
with some rules. For example, Luke's room was forbidden"

"Ahh, I have heard about that one" Bella said with a smile, remembering what Holden told her about the rules. "what was so special with this Christmas?" She asked.

"Well, first of all it was my first Christmas..." And Noah continued to tell her about all stuff that he got, what awonderful Christmas it had been, while all the time starring at Luke, not ever breaking the eye contact

"And that was the first time Luke told me that he loved me" He said, waiting for a reaction from his daughter that he knew would come sooner or later, but it didn't. Noah looked down; Bella was fast asleep with a smile on her face. Noah laughed quietly before lifting her up, slowly taking her to her tent.  
He was surprised how much weight she had lost this couple of weeks after the basement incident. She was so much lighter now, and that scared Noah...

When he came back to the fire, Luke was still sitting there, looking very lost in his thoughts but as soon as he heard Noah come he looked up. Once again their eyes met, and once again Noah found himself lost.

Luke on the other hand... he saw what he had done to Noah, how much pain he had cause him, he tried to close his eye but it didn't really work.

_I want to close my eyes and yet I still see I still know what's in front of me: Noah. The man I loved more than anything, the man that I still love. I was so blinded by hatred and fear back then but I still see everything you do, everything you did, all of the pain that I caused. _

"We should get ready for bed" Noah said in a whisper, afraid all of a sudden, not really knowing why he was scared. It wasn't like they were sleeping together; they were only sleeping in the same tent, so why did he feel like this then?

"Okay" Luke replied with the same low whisper as Noah and they started to walk to the tent.

It wasn't as embarrassing at Noah thought that it would be and now Luke was sleeping beside him. His eyes were closed, and his angel face didn't have so much pain as before. His hair was twisted and tangled, absolutely adorable.

Suddenly the feeling of touching Luke overpowered him, there was nothing more than he wanted then to touch Luke. He didn't really know how but he manages to control himself, hands tightly to his chest. He didn't think that he would be able to sleep, but finally sleep came and Noah slumbered into his own dreams and desires, letting the night fade to bring out the new day.

___________________________________

Noah slowly woke up; the sun was shining through the tent. He started to move but then realised that he couldn't. Somehow Luke and he had managed to get tangled in together during the night and right now Luke was sleeping on his chest, and god did it feel good. But as always, he had learned that good things doesn't last so he decided to end it before it could get any worse, that meant getting up.

He gently pushed Luke away whiteout waking him up, stepping outside into the beautiful morning and took at look around but something didn't fit the picture. It didn't take him long to realise why though.... Nina, Surprise and Chameu were gone, so were the saddles and the bridles.  
He ran to Bella's tent and just as he thought, she was no where to be found, but there was a letter lying there instead, with both Noah's and Luke's name on it.

Out of no where Luke's popped up. "Where are the horses?"

"I think that the answer to your question Luke is in this letter" He said as he opened it up.

**  
"Hi Dad and Luke!**

I guess that you first question is; where the hell are the horses? Well, they are with me so don't worry about that and then you are probably wondering where I am? Dad, you know Jacob, you very friendly co-worker? I am at his house and he has a stable here so the horses are safe and so am I.

So why am I doing this? Well, frankly you two are starting to get on my nerves with all you baggage that you are caring around and you refuse to let it go! I can see the wall that both of you have been building now, and it's time to destroy that. You need to let go of the past, ot at least a bit of it.  
I know that you love each other but you are just so stubborn that it is ridiculous!

I thought that if I locked you into the basement , that when you where in the basement that you would manage to get some stuff out in the air, didn't expect that I was going to get sick in that moment..So this is me trying again and this time there is no way for you to run away, there are no interruptions... Nothing!

I will be back tomorrow night, so don't worry you have a lot of time, really talking out things...

Love, Bella

________________________________

_I have a burden over my heart it becomes almost too heavy to bear at times. I wish you were less beautiful, that you were less hot, that you were less amazing, that you were less kind, less of everything I want and need...Then I could just have walked away, but I am caught here, in a moment. I look at you, and let our eyes meet; I have no idea of where we will go from here..._

- End of Chapter 17 - 


	18. The Truth

**Title:** Home Again  
**Chapter 18 :** The Truth  
**Author:** FallenAngel  
**Rating: **PG-13?  
**Disclaimer: **All Characters except Isabella, are property of ATWT  
**Author's note:** Okay.... here it is.. I might warn you all... I don't think this is what you expected.. Hell.. I didn't even know that it was going to turn out like this, it was not my original plan... it kind happened..  
that's all I am going to say... you're going to have to read it... let's just say that another weird and twisted turn is coming off for them..

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.

_I have a burden over my heart it becomes almost too heavy to bear at times. I wish you were less beautiful, that you were less hot, that you were less amazing, that you were less kind, less of everything I want and need...Then I could just have walked away, but I am caught here, in a moment. I look at you, and let our eyes meet; I have no idea of where we will go from here..._

What now?

Here they were, complete alone in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees , nothing keeping them apart and all Noah could do was keep starring at Luke.

At first he wanted to run after his daughter, yell at her but that idea died quickly, she was miles away and there was no way that he would be able to get there, where "there" was. He understood to whom Bella was referring to, but he had no idea where Jacob lived at all.

Then he found himself, once again in an odd feeling. He wasn't sure anymore if he wanted any answers from Luke, if he really wanted to know the consciences to why Luke had left him. He also knew that all of that was lying in once simple question, and that it was up to him to ask it.

"Why Luke, why?" His voice was only a whisper but it sounded as he was screaming his heart out, and maybe in a way he was. He had tried to sound normal, not hurt, not betrayed, not devastated or desperate.

"I don't know why…" Luke whispered back in the same low voice. He stood there, looking very small, with hands in his pockets, looking down on to the ground.

Noah had thought that he could have done this is in a calm and civilized way, but as soon as he heard Luke's answer, the rage, the anger and hurt that he had been holding back all this year's came rushing back. "You got to be kidding me Luke! You cheated on me, god knows how many times not to mention all the other crap that you did and you can't even answer me why?"

"What do you want me to say Noah? I can say that I am sorry, but I don't really know what you expect from me"

"I want an answer Luke! I want to know why you cheated on my, I want to know why you got wasted every day when I thought that we were happy, I want to know why to pushed me away so many times…" Noah said, starring angry at Luke and for each word he could feel himself letting go a little bit more.

Luke didn't reply, only looking down on the ground but truth to be said he was scared. He didn't want to make things worse. Noah already hated him and if he said the truth, well let's just say that hell would break loose, and the devil would come to get him

_Even if I told him he still wouldn't believe me… it just sounds totally insane when you say it out loud…_

"You are telling me that you can't explain you actions?" Noah said angry, he just couldn't believe this. Where was the Luke he knew, the one who never held back when it came to emotions? It had always been Noah who had that roll but along the years he had learned to open up more, not that scared teenager that the Coronal had created.

"Do you remember who I always picked you up when you fell?" Noah asked, but he didn't get any reaction from Luke, it was like talking to a wall, a very distant and cold wall.

"Every time you got drunk I took care of you, I helped you getting t into bed and every morning when you woke up with a hangover I was there for you. When you where lying in some club, I picked you up and got you home, every single time Luke, and you can't even explain to me why you drank in the first place? Don't you think that you owe me that much?" Noah was breathing hard now, but despite what he said, hwo he had sounded, Luke still stood there, like a wall.

_Okay… this is starting to get a little scaring... Luke doesn't care… at all…_

So Noah continued, he was at least going to get a reaction out of Luke that was for sure, just so he knew that in some level Luke was still human. That he was still, a little bit of himself, was Luke.

"Do you remember when you ended up in the hospital? And you needed a new kidney transplant?" Noah asked.

This time he got an answer. "Yes" Luke nodded, barley manage to say the word out loud. Luke looked so scared and that manage to push something inside of Noah, for a moment he thought about holding back, to just let it go.

_It's not important... It's really isn't… Who am I kidding? Of course it is… I deserve to the truth, to know what the hell went wrong, what made Luke push me away so hard… _

"Did you find out who donate it to you?"

"No…"

"Well, surprise, surprise it was me… you didn't expect that did you? Even after I left you… I still cared about you Luke; I still did even if acted as if I didn't. I was so happy when I heard that you had broken up with Casey. I even thought that maybe we could have a chance again, since it all seemed as if Casey was the reason we broke up, which is, if you think about it, kind of funny since Casey is bisexual."

"But you didn't come back, did you?" Luke asked and for the first time he looked Noah in the eyes, trying to understand this man that he so long ago used to love with all his heart."Why didn't you come Noah?"

_I almost wished that you did… Maybe you could have saved me a life from hell… maybe you could have made a difference, like you now when you're here with your daughter…_

"Obviously I did not and how could I Luke? How could we possibly work out our issues and beside I made a promised and at that moment it meant more then you did"

"But…" Luke began but he could feel the tears that were starting to come, but he held them back. He was not about to cry now. Not now… Not in front of Noah. None of this made sense. He hadn't even seen Noah in Oakdale around that time. If he remembered correctly it was about three months after Noah had left town without a word. "If you didn't want to be with me, how come that you came anyway, why did you save my life then?

"Because I loved you Luke… No matter how many mistakes you did, you did not deserve to die for them, and I thought that if you lived you might start to see things different. I thought that you might change back into the man that I used to love so much before" Noah said in a soft voice and he meant every word of it. That was the reason he had come back, he wanted to give Luke a second chance to live, a chance to face reality.

"That man is gone Noah" Luke said and his voice suddenly got very cold. "You should have let me die that day, it would have been better, because you know what? I never changed… I am still your old miserable, drinking ex… "He said bitterly and laughed, but there was no happy laugh. It sounded morelike a cry for help.

"I don't believed that Luke" Noah said as he took a step forward to Luke. He wanted to reach out to Luke; he wanted to save him, right there and now. He wanted to help him from drowning.

"Believe what you want to believe, I really don't care" And suddenly Luke was back to his old self, the one that Noah used to hate. It was the only way he knew how to handle this, to push Noah away, to make him hate him.'Unfortunately for Luke, Noah had grown up last time. Those old tricks that use to trigger Noah before, didn't work.

"What happened to you Luke?" Noah asked as he starred into those hazel brown eyes, but he couldn't see Luke in them. Instead he saw a scared boy, who looked like he was about to break apart in any moment. He looked so tired, more like fifty then thirty.

"Nothing happened to me" Luke stated.

"Don't lie to me Luke. I know that something happened after that Damian left down. Because it was then you started to become all weird and at the same time Casey "came out. What was it that made you wanted to run and hide, to push me away?" Noah asked more to himself then to Luke but he saw as he mentioned Casey and Damian, Luke seemed to panic even more. What was it? It was right there, something with Damian and Casey, it had to be… Anything else didn't make sense to him…

"It's something with Casey" Noah stated.

That Luke could answer to without revealing anything. "Yes it has something to do with Casey"

"What?" Noah demanded to know.

"I-I..I…noticed that when I was with Casey…" Luke said in a hesitant voice. "I liked it rough." There he had let it out.

"You're lying" Noah saw It straight away that Luke was lying, before he had asked what it was.

"Excuse me?" _Damn… he didn't buy that one… think of something else! Fast!_

"You heard me… You're lying to me, that wasn't the reason to your behavior." Why are you lying to me Luke, what is scaring you do death?

"What are you, some kind of shrink? I'm telling you the truth and if you can't handle it, it's not my fault." Luke had gone into "protection mode" "How deer you tell me if I am lying or not… you don't know anything Noah. Your life might been easy this past years, but you haven't see me in a long time so who are you do judge?"

"No I am not a shrink Luke" Noah said softly not caring about Luke's outrage, god's known that he needed that. "But I can tell what I do know Luke. I know you even if you don't think that I do. I still know when you're lying; I know when you're scared or sad. Like it or not Snyder, but I still know you, and this time I won't give up so easy" He added."No matter how bitchy you'll be.

"Just please let it go Noah" Luke pleaded and this time he didn't stop his tears from falling. "If you once loved me, please just let this go. You know that I hurt you; I know that I hurt you but please let it be. You already know all you need to know"

Noah shook his head. "No Luke, I don't know everything that I need to know. For example, I don't know why you're scared to death; I don't know why you ran and why you still keep running."

"And you don't need to Noah! "

"Yes I do"

"Why?"

Noah stopped for a moment, to make sure that Luke was looking at him, really looking at him. "Because I still love you"

"No you don't… You can't love someone like me… someone that done something like that…" Luke started to sob hard, wishing that he could forget, wishing  
that he wasn't there.

"Luke, just tell me what it is. Whatever it is, we can fix it together." Noah said as he took another step towards Luke and soon he had him in his arms. "Tell  
me" He whispered and stared to stroke Luke hair.

"I can't"

"Yes you can Luke. Just trust me… I won't turn my back anymore, not anymore. "

It seemed as if it gave Luke the courage that he needed. "You were right; it had something to do with Casey… "

"Go on Luke"

"You know how be broke up with Maddie out of the blue, because she didn't want a baby with him?" Noah only nodded, he remember that. Maddie had told him that she wasn't ready to have a baby yet and that Casey kept pushing her.

"And you know how she was raped two weeks later, which was about the same time that Casey "came out".Noah remembered that to, how he had thought that it seemed a little bit weird. "It was Casey who raped her"

"I know that, kind of figured it out"

Luke swallowed hard. "That's not all"

Noah looked puzzle. "It isn't?" Luke shook his head. "It's not Casey's child… Bella is not Casey father… "

"WHAT?" if he want confused before, Noah sure was now. "What are you saying? That Casey isn't Bella father then who is?

"Me…" Luke whispered, taking a step from Noah and turning around so he didn't have to see Noah's face.

"Bu—But… How did it happen? Your gay and Maddie is your friend, there is no way that you would rape Maddie!

"I know" Luke said in a sad voice. "This is where the weird part comes… Casey injected my sperm instead of his, to make it look like it was me who did it. Of course no one knows that, because they didn't take Bella's DNA sample."

"How the in the bloody hell did he do that?"

"He knew this doctor who would do it for him but not for free of course so he more or less blackmailed me. Then he drugged Maddie, took her to the hospital, got my sperm and voila! There you go" Luke said in an angry voice when he remember seeing the tape that Casey brought over, to have "evidence" again him… Of course the tape was fake but who could tell that, unless they had been there? No one…

"And how exactly did he get your sperm?" Noah asked, trying to get a grip over the situation in some kind of way… This was crazy and weird.

"You know that first time when you found me and Casey in bed together? And you said it looked like I had been drugged? Well, you weren't joking about that…"

"Jesus.. You're kidding..." Of all things that Noah had imaged,this wasn't one of them… "But that doesn't really explain your behavior against me"

"Well I thought that it was over after they had done what they had done, but Casey kept blackmailing me, first it was only about money but then he wanted more and more. The more he got, the more I drank, lied and pushed you away" Luke said, still avoid Noah's gaze. But at least the truth was told, and it didn't feel as good as he thought it would be… Because if Casey founded out that he had told Noah, it would get ugly and nasty.

"But why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you tell me all of this?" Noah asked. _I thought that you trusted me…_

"Come one Noah! Would you really have believed me when your where eighteen? I can see that you do now, but then?"

Luke was right, he would'nt have believed him back then… "But I do know" He said and walked over to Luke so that they were standing face to face.  
For the first time Luke took a good look at Noah, he was still so beautiful and as always he found that his heartbeats was increasing as they did when Noah was around. "What now? Luke asked, looking up at Noah.

"I really don't want to talk about this anymore, at least for now"

Noah smiled. "I think I can come up with a few other things that we could to, especially if we have this place all to our self's"

"Really, what?" Luke asked with a smile.

"This" Noah said and leaned into Luke, and finally their lips meet after so long time being a part. For the first Time, over again, Noah had found home again, right there, with a simple touch, he was heels of head in love again.

**As our lips touch****  
****Each other,****  
****In this divine****  
****Unison of a kiss;****  
****I feel your soft lips****  
****Now shunning all inhibitions****  
****Giving into the urge…****  
****To allow me****  
****To drink the elixir of love****  
****From the glass of your lips.****  
****As my tongue now probes in you,****  
****Yours come to meet mine****  
****And they entwine,****  
****As we now hungrily****  
****Yield to each other,****  
****And conquer each other.**

**- End of Chapter 18 -**


	19. I never stopped loving you nc17

Title: Home Again  
Chapter 19 : I never stopped loving you...  
Author: FallenAngel  
Rating: Nc-17  
Disclaimer: All Characters except Isabella, are property of ATWT  
Author's note: This Chapter is more or less written By **Swedennuke**, who was kind enough to help me though one of my writer's block!! Thank you Bro , I how you big time!!!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"So you don't want to talk anymore?" Noah asked with a smile as he looked down at the shorter man.

"No, not really" Luke replied, shaking his head. It felt as here was enough drama for one night and right know he didn't even want to think of Casey anymore, of all the crazy stuff that was going on.

"Well, that's too bad, Snyder" Noah said, grinning."Here I was hoping that I could get a chance to tell you how much I love you" _I word I never thought that I was going to be able to say to you again… A word that until now was lost for the man a love… funny how it all along has been you…_

"Well, how about you show me instead? " Luke asked innocent, looking at Noah with lust, love. If someone was able to resist Luke, it sure hell wasn't Noah..

And there they were again: Home. How so much could change in once single night, how mistakes had been erased, or at least explained. This is what they both waited so long for what they both have missed for so many years apart, and there they stood at the threshold, only one step across to what they both wanted, needed.

They were in love again and their tongues were looking up in each other's mouths. Teeth scraping up against teeth, lips collided, breath was forgotten and all they could feel was their own heartbeat.

"I never stopped loving you" Luke whispered and blushed when he said it, but there was no shame in his voice. He had wanted to say it since he saw Noah in Lucinda House. And Noah had just stood there, so tall, so proud, and so handsome. It was like everything that they felt was there, even if it only was for a moment. It was the first Luke could think of, to be in Noah's safe and warm embrace again.

"I never stopped either" he whispered back.

And they took each other around the waist and neck again, dragging each other in a soft, warm kiss that very soon became extremely passive and desperate. Their hands were fumbling around and came over their hard nipples, stomachs, and erection. Both moaned heavily, but nobody came out to get air.

If they broke this interaction now, would they regret it the rest of their lives. The ruling needed now was a memory attack that came to them, about the time they had together. And maybe, just maybe, would they get to experience that again, without impediment, and extortion, but drugs and alcohol and without Casey.

"Come," said Luke with the knowledge that there was no need more words.

He took Noah's hand and pulled him to a high tree, pushed him, half playfully and half aggressively against the tree trunk. Noah gave out a silent groan when his back met the tribe, but he did not care. Luke knelt before him and looked up in Noah's blue, beautiful eyes that conveyed so much love, warmth, security and safety. Both knew what they needed, and they knew that as soon as they started, there was no stopping it, but Luke had to ask anyway.

"Sure about?" He said with hoarse voice.

He really wanted Noah's hard cock in his mouth, but did not want to force him to anything; so he had to ask, he didn't want this to be a meaningless fuck, and he had enough of that from Casey. .

Noah only nodded back, finding it hard do reply back, maybe it was because all the emotions that was going thought him, or the fact that he was completely breathless so instead he smile smiled at Luke, caresses his cheek and licks his own lips.

"I have never been surer of anything in my whole life," he said, and knew immediately that it wasn't a lie.

Luke nodded and started to unbuttoned Noah's shirt, drew down his pants, but still maintained eye contact with Noah, it was like being pulled in, in a dream, a wonderful dream and Luke didn't want to let that go.

Luke's heart ran away when he looked down on it as expected. He saw Noah's hard, pulsing cock through his boxers. Luke drew his fingertip over bulge and giggle when his own cock turned inside his pants. He pulled down Noah's boxers down, that soon revealed his bare cock that was really hard, waited and pulsing just for him. Noah felt a little uncomfortable when he saw Luke stare; it wasn't that he hadn't seen it before.

"Touch me ... Please, "sighed Noah, biting his lip, waiting for what would come next.

Luke looked up at him and smiling confidently before he took Noah's hard cock in his hand, jobs him gently at first, but features more difficult and faster. Noah bends his head back and groans loud.

"Aahhh, that's it! Mmmm, feels soo good "

Luke giggle before he bent forward and licks at the top of Noah's cock. Noah was shaking at the touch, he loved what Luke did to him. God this he miss this… Luke realized it very quickly and opened his mouth wider, allowing Noah's cock into his mouth. He sucked him hard and caresses his balls with the hand that is free.

"Aaah, more .. I'm gonna cu .. OHHHH,, FUUUUUUCK ... "Noah moaned and his whole body shook when his shot down in liquids Luke's throat. Luke sucked him clean and dry, swallows all of the hot cum and smiles when he stands up on shaky legs.

Noah looked at him with a face filled with emotion and love. He took Luke around the waist and their lips collide against each other. Noah pressed his tongue into Luke's warm, wet mouth. He could taste himself and nothing has ever tasted better.

When Noah recovered enough to breathe normal again, he began to caress Luke's hard cock outside his pants, but Luke took off his hands and when they got eye contact, Luke shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Noah asked worried, and the thought that Luke did not want this anymore, that he regretted it rushed though him. Had he messed everything up again?

Luke could almost hear Noah's anxious thoughts, and he shook his head again. He smiled as he caresses Noah's cheek, blushed a bit."Need to feel you inside me ... Now, "Luke whispered, he didn't quite dare to say the words in a normal tune.

Noah smiled warmly and lovingly to him, taking his hand and to pull them down on to the grass. All thought of regret, washing away instantly and he can't help himself to kiss this man senseless again. Luke looked at Noah, then up in heaven, then Noah again, and suddenly a smile formed in his lips, it was a happy but at the same time a mysterious smile.

"Do you remember the time when Lucinda and Brian took us to a camping trip out in the woods? Do you remember what you said? "Asked Luke, Noah, and giving a quick kiss on the lips.

Noah pretended to think, but knew exactly what Luke was talking about, because it had always been Bella's favorite story from Noah's background, from the life he had in Oakdale before Casey ruined everything.

"Of course I remember, and I will never forget," said Noah and Luke kissed, and seconds after he was on top of his lover, Luke Snyder.

Noah had taken of his pants in no time, they were some distance away from them, but Luke was still fully dressed. Noah kissed him deeply while he undressed him of all clothes. Their dicks were pressed against each other and both were very hard and needed to know each other.

"Sure you want this?" Asked Noah, and looked at Luke, it was only now he had the change to back away and say no, if he did not do, Noah could not stop. Luke looked at Noah with lust-filled eyes, nodded and sighed with a shaky breath.

"I am sure" he replied and kissed Noah hard, pushing him close, in need for more contact. Noah did the same thing, but there was one thing he had to do before they went into paradise. He looked at Luke, then Luke's hand, the only thing stopping him.

"Can you remove it, and never take it with you?" Asked Noah, looking at the ring, the ring, which showed that Noah did not have the permission to Luke's body, to touch him, or kiss him, to make love to jom.

Luke looked at the ring also, and felt a slap in the face as soon as he thought of how Casey would react if he knew. Luke bit his lip and looking in Noah's eyes, witnessing that he is serious. Luke gave out a gasp before he nodded slowly, took his shaky hand over the ring and pulled it off his finger. He put the ring on the ground and looked at Noah again and looked very relieved out.

"Thank you, angel" whispered Noah and Luke kissed gently on his wet lips. Luke kissed him back, and very soon, the ring and Casey was forgotten.

Noah broke the kiss and sat up on his knees, licked a finger and angered Luke's narrow hole. Luke bit his lip as one finger was pushed inside, he tried not to scream, but soon remember that they were out in the woods, alone and together. He did not need to hold any feelings back; there was nothing to stop them now.

"Aaahhh, pull it inside of me .. Go on. "Luke pressed his body against Noah's finger and immediately, his finger slipped inside Luke.

Luke felt a sting of pain, but it was forgotten after a few seconds and replaced with pleasure and delight. Noah noticed that too, and slipped in another finger in Luke's hot holes. Luke bowed his head back in the grass and moaned loudly, he needed more, he needed to Noah, the sooner the better.

"Make love to me, Noah" whispered Luke with horny voice; Noah continued to slide his fingers in and out of Luke for a while before he did what he was told to do, finally…

He pulled the fingers out of Luke and spit in his fist, something he never would have done if there was a lubricant on hand, but they were alone in the forest and none of this was really planned, not according to them anyway..

"Spread for me baby, so I can come in," he said calmly and kissed Luke's waiting mouth.

Luke did as he was told and very soon he felt Noah's cock disappeared in him. Luke bit his lip to try to hold in the scream that came as with the pain he felt, but Noah saw the pain in Luke's eyes and he took it easy, waiting patiently for that Luke. The only Luke had to do for the pain would disappear was to look at Noah's beautiful face, his sapphire eyes and his smiling lips.

"I'm ready .. Please, hard, more. "Moaned Luke and Noah laughed quietly before he did that Luke told him. He soon found their perfect rhythm and Luke holding him tight between excerptions, none of them wanted to touch the suspension. They didn't care if nobody would walk in on them, they had waited to so long for this, more than 17 years, so long and it was there now, them and their rediscovered love.

"Aaah, you feel so good!" Noah moaned and kissed Luke's dry lips, Luke wrestler his tongue into Noah's mouth and kissed Noah who was pumped Luke harder and harder.

"Aaah, Nooooaaah, I'm gonna ..." Luke didn't finish his sentence before he shot his cum over his stomach, Noah' s and his own breast. Noah looked down on clutter and smiled, felt Luke's ass thought his throb of his cock. Noah began to feel his own orgasm was coming and he pumped Luke harder.

"Aaaaahhh .. LUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKEEE "Noah screamed and threw his head back when he came, deep inside Luke. He collapsed on Luke's chest and nuzzled his head into Luke's neck. Luke held him hard, and caresses his hair. He wanted to tell Noah how he felt inside his heart, but they both knew that words weren't needed right now. Noah's cock slipped out of Luke.

They are still lying like this, hold on each other and breathing heavily. They had eye contact sometimes, gave each other a few smiles and kisses. No words are said, it's absolutely quite, the only thing you can here is the forest, and that's how they fall asleep, together…

"Come on Luke, we need to wake up" Noah said sleepy, they needed to get up before Bella returned home, and he didn't want her to see them like this, naked and tangled in together. She would probably guess what had happened, but he wanted to spare her the imaged

"Come on! Our daughter is going to pop up soon, and I don't want to find her to find us like this." He gently puffed Luke a little.

"mmm…." Luke murmured but he didn't seem to have any intentions to wake up at all, instead he snuggled closer to Noah.

Noah couldn't help to chuckled a bit at the sight in front of him. God.. Luke what did a do to deserve you again, to love you again…

"Come on my Angel" Noah said softly before getting up himself. It wasn't until now that he felt how sore he was, they had made love at least two or three more times this last couple of hours.

Luke seemed to be a little more alive as he raised his head a bit, looking at Noah with a smile. "So I am your Angel?"

"Yes you are, and a beautiful too" Noah said softly before leaning in for a kiss, it was soft and perfect. "Now get up"

Soon they were all dressed and presentable if Bella would return, and only 5 minutes later she was, she had a smile on her face as she came around the corner. "Please don't tell her that I am her dad, Noah. Not yet at least he whispered and Noah nodded back in reply.

She dismounted the horses before turning to her dad and to Luke. She looked at them before a grin appeared on the face. "So did it work?"

Noah laughed when he saw his daughter's hopeful face. "Yes your brilliant master plan worked.

"Good" Bella answered before bursting out in laughter to."I am going to take a walk, so I'll see you later!" and with that Bella turned around and soon she was no longer to be seen.

"You really lover Bella, don't you?" Luke asked, he wasn't really to call Bella his daughter, or to be a dad yet. He didn't understand how Noah did it, but he was a perfect dad.

"Yes I do" He replied softly but he could see Luke's fear and he knew that it wasn't time for them yet…not yet… but soon…

"But she really is something's special"

"That she is Luke, and I hope that one day you can be a part of her life"  
__

_Far too deep much too serious her skies are cloudy often grey,_  
_They are meant as observations not as criticisms in any way, _  
_For I can still clearly remember as in my arms she delicately lay,_  
_She was fast asleep yet smiling 'twas on her very, very first day._

_A chubby little bundle all crinkly, blotched and red,_  
_With just a few downy hairs upon her precious little head,_  
_A cry and then perhaps a whimper her little arms outspread,_  
_We looked on proudly in wonderment as she slept on in her bed._

_She was a lovely little child though a horrid tyke as well,_  
_When she wanted her own way she would stamp her feet and yell,_  
_Scuffing her new shoes was her most favorite way to rebel,_  
_If she was happy or if she was gloomy I did not know and could not tell,_

_The lovely girl in question alas is far too much like her dad,_  
_Though now a young lady she oft appears to look quite sad,_  
_But when she smiles her face lights up, it makes her old dad glad,_  
_There's not a lot more I can say about her there's no more I can add. _

_Except:_  
_I would not want her to change a jot sheer perfection that is she._  
_I love her and think of her all the time and in my mind's eye still see,_  
_A chubby little bundle that fills this old heart with glee,_  
_My lovely daughter Bella you are all happiness to me, _

- End of Chapter 19 -

**And know the bad new's comes.. I'm having a surgery today, and this means that I won't be able to write anymore for at least two weeks.. so next chapter won't be posted until my stiches will be removed, which is in about two weeks!... I think... I'll try to keep in touch... or at least read all good storys... if you have a good one to recommend for me.. Pm me or something...**

For all of you who has read my story from beginning: Thank you, I hope that you enjoyed it.. and I hope that you will continue to read it...


	20. That's not the problem

**Title: **Home Again  
**Chapter** 20: There isn't a problem  
**Author: **FallenAngel  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings: **AU, English is not my native language so there might be spelling and grammar mistakes!  
_Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Fallen Angel.., No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's note:** Hi people who reads Home Again!  
Well I have great news for you! My doctor gave me green light to write! As long as I don't overdo myself ...I am not allowed to carry or lift anything... And not bend my wrist… so I should be fine...

So hopefully the chapters should be rolling again...I'm still in pain, but everything is healing nicely... So there is nothing to worry about! I am taking things slowly and should be back at 100% in no time.. .or so I hope at least!  
And I Also want to thank you guys who commented and whished be luck! It was really sweet and nice of you  
... More Crazy stuff is up for them... trust me when I say it going to be a wild and bumpy ride... So hang on tight!  
Take Care

Lots of Hugs and Love, Anna

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**[One Week after the camping trip]**

"Bella!" Noah yelled as he ran after his daughter. "What's going on with you today, or maybe I should say what is going on with you this whole week?" He asked as he managed to catch up with her. "Why are you acting like this, like you hate me or something? What did I do!?

"There is nothing going on with me, Dad" Bella answered in an annoying voice, trying to get away from her dad which was the last person she wanted to see right now. "And I am not acting in any special way; can't people be angry without having a reason? And who said that I was angry at you? She said as she continued walking away from him. _Oh dad... if you only knew, what a completely idiot you are! _

"Isabella Angelina Mayer!

Bella stopped; she turned around and glared at her dad. "What?" She said in a calm voice but her eyes weren't that calm, in fact they were furious.

"I am not going to tell you what's wrong, and I actually thought that you would have figured out what was wrong by now…" She said in a quiet voice before walking away. _How blind can you honestly be dad?_

She hadn't even given Noah chance to react. The only thing Noah knew that when they had returned from the trip, Bella had been happy until two hours later.

He had seen the change when it came, and when he had tried to confront his daughter about it she only claimed that she wasn't angry, that there was nothing going Noah knew his daughter and he could easily see the signs when they were there.

When Bella was mad she would either play her violin or wrote and lately she had done both of them and that never ever happened unless it was something really wrong going on…

"Bella" He said in helpless whisper, not knowing what to do as he saw his daughter walking away with angry steps.

_What could have made her this upset? Could have something to do with Casey? I know that she hates him more than anything; regarding the fact that she thinks that he is her biological dad. Yeah maybe that's it?_

Noah picked up his phone and called Luke, if someone knew if Casey was up to something he was the one to know what it was.

_  
"Luke Snyder" _

"It's Noah"

The phone went silent for a moment, Noah had to paused, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to get Luke involved this mess…

" Hi Luke I... I was just wondering if Bella has acted stranger this week, I mean more than usual towards you or Casey." Noah asked in an anxious voice, holding his breath.

_"No, not really, why, what's wrong?" _Luke asked in a worrying voice

"It's probably stupid anyway. Never mind, but thanks anyway" Noah said fast and at that moment he just wanted to hang up the phone.

_"Noah, stop it! Tell me what's going on? I thought that we were supposed to be honest with each other, even when it came to Bella, so spit it out!_ Luke demanded

"Well, Bella has been pissed off at me for some reason and I thought that it might had do to something with Casey but since she hasn't acted any different towards you, it means that it's me she's mad at" Noah replied in a sad voice.

_"Do you want me to talk to her?" _

"Y-You... You would to that for me?"

_"Of course I would Noah! This is your daughter were talking about, of course I want to help if I can!"_

"Your daughter to, remember?

_"Yeah"_ But suddenly Luke's voice had change and it sounded sadder than before. "You know I got to go, I have some chores to do, but I call you later" and with that Luke hung up on him.

Noah starred at the phone, a little shocked how quickly that conversation had ended

_"Okay that was weird. Why do I get the feelings that begin Bella's father scares the crap out of Luke? _

Luke looked at the phone before putting it back in his pocket. He had a vague idea why Bella was mad and he hated to see them fighting, it made Noah unhappy with made him unhappy.

The thought that he was Bella's biological father still scared him; Casey had told him when they had gone home after meeting Noah. He had sat there for almost two hours listening how Casey insulted Noah and Bella and how he kindly had reminded him that If he tried anything his life would become a living hell.

He sighed heavily before walking towards the stables. He didn't really want to do the chores today but since Casey refused to do anything at the farm, his dad wasn't really that fit anymore to be doing to chores every day, not to mentions is sibling, they didn't spend that much time at the farm anymore. But Luke loved this farm more than anything; it was this that had helped him living with Casey for the past 17 years of his life that he still had something he loved in this world that Casey wouldn't or couldn't take away from him.

He opened the door slowly and he could help but smile at the sight that he saw. Bella was sitting at the ground with saddles and bridles around, cleaning them with soap. Luke tried to hold back his laugh but at that moment Bella reminded so much about himself when he was younger and angry.

Bella looked up at him with a frown. "Hi" She mumbled before getting back to clean the bridle that was lying in her arms.

Luke took a heisted step forward. He could defiantly see what Noah was talking about when he said that Bella was in a bad mood and he couldn't understand how he had missed it. "I have some chores to do and I was wondering if you could give me a hand?"

Bella shrugged

"Sure" she replied before getting up from the floor. "What is it that you need me to do?"

"Well, you can start by mocking out the stable" Luke replied as he handed her the pitch fork. "But don't worry there are plenty of stuff to do later in case you need to use your anger to good use"

Bella glared at him

. "Like what?"

"Like preparing one of the stalls for Lady, she is having a fool any day here. Then there is the fence that needs to be fixed, all of the horses need food and fresh water, the stable need to be cleaned more, we have hay that should be arriving any day now" Luke said with a smile as he walked to one of the stalls. "As I said, don't worry there are plenty of things that needs to be done before the end of this day"

"And you do them all?" Bella asked in a surprise tone.

"Someone has to do them right?"

"That impressive"

Luke couldn't help laugh when he heard Bella. "Thanks" he replied.

Soon they both started to work, side by side.

"That's it" Luke said as he put the hammer down.

"Really?" Bella asked and there was no mistake to hear the hope in her voice, she was exhausted.

"Yes really, that's all for today and you should be glad that the hay didn't come today because then we would be here at least three hours longer."

Bella only nodded as she started to walk out of the stable, towards the house.

"Bella?" Luke called after her. He had to do this now, since he had promised Noah that he would talk to her.

"What is it? Bella turned around so that she could face Luke.

"I know that you and your dad aren't on speaking turns and I was just wondering why…"

"My dad asked you to talk to you didn't he?

"No!" Luke protested. "He did not ask me but I noticed that something isn't right between you two and I really hope that I'm not the reason. I know that it's been you and your dad all your life and here I come, stepping into your life"

"That's not the problem Luke" But you're a part of the problem.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Why do you even care Luke?" Bella yelled frustrated.

"Because you're Noah's daughter and I know how much you mean to him!"

"Don't you mean Casey's daughter?" She said in an angry voice. "You know, your husband, the one that you're married to, remember him?" And with that she left.

_  
Dad why can't you see what you're doing to me?  
_

- End of Chapter 20 -

**Sorry, I wanted to write more but my hand wouldn't let me do it! And I reallý wanted to get the next chapter up as soon as possible! Hope you liked it anyway...**


	21. the lies and secrets

**Title: **Home Again  
**Chapter** 21: The Lies and secrets  
**Author: **FallenAngel  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings: **AU, English is not my native language so there might be spelling and grammar mistakes!  
_Disclaimer: _Here it is!! So sorry that it took me such a long time to write it but it's been crazy at home.. first it was last school day. then last riding lesson day, then my birthday, and now midsummer too.. ( Swedish celebration thing) and I'm not even at home.. I'm in our summer place sort of..

I'm going to try to update faster from now on!! Once again, sorry!!

Luke stood there speechless for a moment. He had no idea what so ever what was going on. One minute Bella had been nice and friendly and the next minute she had become defensive.

But one thing that was crystal clear to Luke that this was out of his hands there was nothing he could do since he didn't really know Bella. However the person who could help Bella was the one she was mad at not to mention the one who knew her, so he picked up his phone and send a messenger to Noah.

"_Need you to come over to farm as soon as possible, it's about Bella."_

It didn't take Noah long and he arrived there a couple of minutes later. The message had freaked him out, every horrible scenario that he could think of had started to play inside his head. When it came to Bella he never stopped worrying and it didn't really help that he didn't live nearby at the moment, especially with Casey nearby and not to mentions Bella's condition.

Noah got out of his truck and ran to the stables. He thought that is was most likely that Luke would be there since it was time to feed the horses and it was he who did the chores. Thankfully it didn't take long to find him.

"Luke, what happened!?" Noah asked as he ran up to him.

"Relax, everything is fine" Luke replied, hoping that his words would soothe Noah. He should have guessed that the text would have freaked him out, "Not fine exactly but Bella isn't hurt or anything, not physically anyway"

"So I assume that you talked to Bella?" Noah asked as he took a step closer to Luke.

"Yes I did and I think this is bigger than we thought that it was and I think that it involves us."

"What do you mean us?"

"Us as in me you and Casey" Luke replied in a nonchalant voice, trying to sound like it wasn't a big deal or that they didn't need blow it up more.

"What? What did she say to you Luke? Noah asked worried now. This didn't sound so good.

"It wasn't what she said that this is about, it more what she didn't say. It was the way she acted when I tried to ask her why she was mad at you…" Luke trailed of not really sure how he was supposed to explain this to Noah without him getting the wrong idea.

"I think that this as something to do with us being together"

"What?" Noah yelled a little more loudly then he intended to do. "What made you come to that conclusion if you don't mind me asking?" He couldn't really believe what Luke was saying. From his point of view it sounded like Bella was against them being together but she was the one to bring them together in the first place. "No you're wrong Luke; you had to misunderstood her or something." Noah shook his head not wanting to believe what Luke was saying about Bella, it didn't sound like her at all.

"Noah, I'm only telling you what I saw and she was acting very defensive about this."

"And that means what exactly?" Noah asked angry.

"She was acting like Faith used to when my dad was having an affair, all defensive towards the person he was dating and towards him to" Luke defended.

"I don't believe you Luke"

"Fine, believe what you want to believe but I'm only telling you what I saw. " Luke took a hesitated step forwards so that he was only a couple of centimeters from Noah. "But you have no right at all to take this out on me Noah. Not until we know what the problem is! Got that?"

"We?" Noah asked a little puzzled.

"Yes, we, I'm Bella's father to, remember?" Luke said in a lighter tone, trying to easy Noah up a bit.

"Okay… We" Noah said and a smile started to form on his lips and he couldn't help it back. Slowly he inched forward capturing Luke's lips. The kiss was short but still sweet. Noah knew that they couldn't do anything that they wanted to; in case someone would come walking. Once again they had to hide their relationship but this time it was Luke who requested it.

He wanted to make sure that they could get rid of Casey without harming anyone in anyway. It bugged Noah to death but having Luke a little was better than having non Luke at all. He just had to cope with the situation.

"Hum hum..."

Both Luke and Noah jumped apart before turning around to see who it was that had walking in. To both their relief it was only Bella who stood there with Misty but she didn't look happy at all.

"Hi Bella" Noah greeted her but Bella didn't reply back. Instead she just glared at with an angry look before walking to Misty's stall and starting to dismount her.

She tried to do is as calmly as possible to not scare the horse but seeing her dad and Luke jumping apart at the sound of her just made her furious. Bella could hear her dad and Luke whisper behind her and she tried her best to hear what they said.

"_**Should we go and talk to her?" **_

"_**I think its best if I go and talk to her alone first until I know what the problem is. **_

"_**But Noah, we agreed that we would to this together, since this concerns me to… she is a part of me too" **_

_What did Luke just say? What did he meant by that? Is my dad going to let him talk like that? He has no damn right to say that. Luke might be a part of my dad's heart but he has no place in mine. He not a part of me in any kind of way, my dad's yes, mine, no bloody way. _

"_**I just think that it's best if I do this since you aren't ready to tell her why you care so much about her in the first place. Yes she knows that we are together and if it's the reason is what you think it is we have a serious problem here…**_

_Tell me what dad? What is it that Luke isn't telling me? _

After that she couldn't hear what they were saying to each other since they both walked out from the stable and the door closed and she was left along with her thought.

10 minutes later she heard the door opened again and it didn't take long before her dad's figure appeared in front of her.

"Bella we need to talk" Noah said as he took another step forward.

"No" She replied as she turned her back to Noah and started to brush Misty.

"You're mad at me" Noah stated

"Yes"

"Are you mad at Luke?"

"Yes"

Noah could feel a string of frustration hitting him. This was absurd, his daughter had never acted like this before and honestly he didn't know what to do. But if this was the only way that he was going to get answers out of Bella, so be it.

"Is it about something we did?"

"Yes. More like something you do"

"You mean being together?"

"No" _more like not being together…_

"What did you say Bella?" Noah asked as he heard Bella whisper something silently.

"I said that it more about you not being together" She said and raised her voice for each word that she spoke. She just couldn't hold back anymore and she knew that when she was done talking she would have hurt her dad in more than way.

"Dad do you know how long time it took for me to get you and Luke back together?"

"No" Noah whispered as he saw he anger, hurt and betrayal in his daughter eyes. He had never seen her like this, not even once.

"I know that you don't know that, how could you? I putted to much effort on getting you guys back together and what do you do? You hide it… You hide you love for whatever reason there is and that's the worst part dad. You always told me to be honest, that we should be honest but what do you do that, the minutes you two got home? You hide…" Bella said in a hurt voice.

"It's like you two are walking back in the closet or something, it what it's looking like. And I can't even understand why you are doing that. You told me how hurt Luke was when you had to pretend to be married to someone else. You told me how much it hurt both off you and now you're doing the exact same thing that you did 18 years ago!"

"But Bella, why do you care so much if Luke and I are together? I know you hate to see me becoming someone else in front of you but why do you are so much, why did you try so damn hard to get us back together?"

"Because I need you to be happy dad…"

"I am happy Bella, what gave you that impression? I'm happy with you honey!"

"I needed to reassure myself that when I leave you wouldn't be alone. When I leave that you will have someone by your side… that there is someone else that can make you happy when I'm not here anymore…" Bella said in a silent voice as she tried to stop the tears that were starting to fall down her face.

Noah was shocked by what Bella just said and he couldn't find the words to reply back. He hated when she talked like that, like everything she did was so final.

"It's the truth dad" Bella said, like she knew what he was going to say. "You may not like but it's true. One day I won't be here anymore and I don't know if it's going to be in a couple of months or years but I know that I won't live a full life like everyone else. I also know that once am gone you'll be left alone with no one in your life expect maybe your dad"

"And you're mad because we're hiding it?" He still didn't know what to say or how to react.

"Yes I am and I don't understand why! If Luke loves you like he claims that he do and you love him, why haven't he left Casey? Why haven't he kicked him out yet uh? If Casey left then he was no reason to try to get custody over me because he has nothing left to fight with or for. I know that you know the reason that or else you wouldn't stand watching Luke with Casey for no reason… No matter how much you love him "

"Bella…" Noah pleaded. This was the only question he couldn't answer, not without breaking Luke's trust, and it was Luke's choice when he wanted to tell Bella the truth. She needed to hear it from Luke, not him.

"Let me guess, you can't tell me?" Bella said as she walked pass him. "How about that dad, you're back how you used to be when you were a teenager and so is Luke, not to mention Casey." She opened the door and took a step out but looked back at her dad for a moment. "Only this time it's not only Luke that you'll lose, this time you'll lose your daughter to and in a way I think that you already did dad which all you're lies and secrets that you are caring in your heart" and with that she closed the door.

****

"Lucinda, you're telling me that there is nothing I can do to get the court on my side?" Noah asked as he sat down again for the hundredth of time.

"Doesn't look so good Darling, on paper Casey is her biological father and in court that means a lot…"

"But he isn't any good for her at all!" Noah protested in anger and despair, he couldn't lose Bella. "Isn't there something we can do? There as to be something."

"I'm afraid there is not Noah unless you can't find the adoption papers for Bella or we can find something that could show the court that Casey is not right for Bella, in time to. And the trial is tomorrow Noah. We have done everything we can Noah, but it seems that it isn't enough…" Lucinda said as she took his hand.

"You're telling me that I'm going to lose Bella?" Noah said in a broken voice, he couldn't even finish Bella's name. He couldn't even stop the tears from falling down as the truth hit him. Bella had been right all along...The lies and the secrets were going to make sure that the lost Bella… But he couldn't betray Luke or his family… It was either one way or the other…

"I'm sorry honey, but yes… Tomorrow you're going to lose Bella" Lucinda replied…


End file.
